Uncomfortable truths, vol. 66

1. I've never visited Reddit. Nope, not once. Not even during Serial. I'm not even sure I understand what it is.

2. I think the speakers in my minivan are blown out. From listening primarily to One Direction and Taylor Swift songs too loudly. Alone. Without my children in the van.

3. I think the reason Carrie Underwood's single "Smoke Break" didn't do as well as her other hits is that she rhymed "drink" with "drink." I will never buy a song in which you don't try harder than that.

4. Grayson and I watched The Intern last weekend. AND LIKED IT. (Everyone will tell you this is because I am destined to only ever like mediocre movies, because of my Foolproof Movie Recommendation Formula.) (I just applied my formula, and The Intern received a whopping 135. AND I DON'T EVEN LIKE ANNE HATHAWAY.) (I would give it a B on a report card. It was cute.)

5. I was playing 7 Little Words last night and was down to the final two clues. I tried SOPRA, AMPHO, AMPRA and -- worst of all -- SOPAE, before finally whispering "Ohhh, Aesop" to myself.

If you'd like to read more Uncomfortable Truths, click here to read them all. But be forewarned: There are 80 previous posts.

Uncomfortable truths, vol. 65

Well HERE'S a real kick in the pants, Internet!

iPhoto wasn't able to complete the install on my laptop, because it ran out of room! And now, since I only have the new version of iPhoto, I can't open it AT ALL until I free up a lot of space on my hard drive. 

Dear All the People Who Tell Me to Update More Often: Bite me.

So as a consolation post, since I can't access a single photo from our beach trip, I decided to cobble together one of your collective favorite types: Uncomfortable Truths. I hope you enjoy another embarrassing installment. Please don't forget to share your own related truths in the comments. They always make my day.

* * * * * * * 

1. I was talking to some women in my Bible study group and one of them asked what year I graduated from high school.

Me: "1991."

Her: "Yeah, me, too. I figured we were about the same age."

Third Friend: "REALLY? I'm shocked. I never would've guessed you were over 40! You do NOT look it."

Fourth Woman: [covers mouth with hands]  "Oh my gosh ... I was born in 1990."

2. Every once in a while, a  socially responsible company will approach me about writing a sponsored post about healthy foods for kids. Aside from the fact that I don't really write sponsored posts, well, we all know I'M not someone who needs to be shilling healthy snacks for kids. Y'all would laugh me right off the Internet.

3. I always wonder if the people who died in a plane crash are the people who paid attention during the safety demonstration, or ironically, the people who didn't.

4. Fall is my favorite season. It's also when I often get my first terrible cough of the year, though. The type of cough that last winter prompted me to share my personal Cough Severity Chart with Rachel and Jamie, because The More You Know.

5. I am so tempted to put one of Amelia's temporary Sofia the First tattoos on her as a tramp stamp just to see if one of her new preschool teachers will say anything to me about it. 


If you'd like to read more Uncomfortable Truths, click here to read them all. But be forewarned: There are 79 previous posts.

Uncomfortable truths, vol. 64

1. When I was expecting Amelia, I developed a complete and total aversion to any kind of neckline on a shirt other than a V-neck. I felt like crew-necks or any other kind of circle-shaped neck was intent on choking me. One night around 2 a.m. I woke up and, in a fit of pique, stormed to the bathroom and did this to my nightshirt:

2. I feel like I do my best grocery shopping when I'm hungry. I grab all the best food! (Grayson disagrees.)

3. People have been talking about kale for a while now, and recently there was even a Bachelor contestant whose son's name is Kale. I had to Google it because I had no idea what it looked like. And I've already forgotten what it looks like again.

4. I'm basically a memaw so I take like nine pills a day. When I count them out of their various containers to fill my pill thing up for the week, I subconsciously try to pour out the exact number of each that I need. Twenty-one of one, 14 of one, seven of a couple, etc. When I'm successful, I may or may not high-five myself.

5. Every time I drive under a bridge, I'm afraid it's going to fall on my car. Or that a car that's crossing it is going to drive off of it and land on my car. There's probably a name for my particular brand of crazy.


If you liked these Uncomfortable Truths and would like to read more, click here to read them all. But be forewarned: There are 63+ previous posts.

Uncomfortable truths, vol. 63

1. I get so, so mad at the last eighth of an inch of my mechanical pencil lead. The way it scoots back up into the pencil, the way it writes a duller line, the way when I click it out a little more it tucks back in. IMA KILL IT.

2. I'm 41 years old and I still wake up every morning wondering if today's the day I'm gonna get an ingrown toenail.

3. My friend Melanie and I were at lunch one day and I had to hop up on a bar-height chair that I couldn't reach and ...

4. I'm a "shoe watcher" in the restroom at work. I pay attention to the shoes in the stalls on either side of me so I can be on alert if that woman leaves without washing her hands. I'll track. her. down. by her shoes later to be sure that I never, ever eat anything she brings to an office potluck.

5. I firmly believe that I'm not the weird one in that last scenario. I think the woman who doesn't wash her hands is the weird one. And yet over Christmas, MY FATHER said I had to include it in my next Uncomfortable Truths post.

If you liked these Uncomfortable Truths and would like to read more, click here to read them all.

Uncomfortable truths, vol. 62

1. A woman in my office broke her foot and has been on crutches for eight weeks. That did not stop me from using the only handicapable stall in the restroom.

2. Every time over the last eight weeks that I've been using the restroom at work and the door has opened, I've frozen mid-stream out of fear that it was the woman on crutches and she was going to be mad at me.

3. That woman finally got her boot off last Friday and is off the crutches. Today, A DIFFERENT WOMAN CAME IN ON CRUTCHES OMG. While I'm sure whatever happened to her was traumatic, THIS IS ABSOLUTELY A WORSE TURN OF EVENTS FOR ME. #8moreweeks

4. I fell asleep while listening to episodes 2 AND 3 of Serial. Yes, I was sitting up.

5. Historically, I don't replace my curling iron until it dies. However, I looked down over the weekend and noticed that mine looked like this. So I bought a new one.

If you liked these Uncomfortable Truths and would like to read more, click here to read them all.

Uncomfortable truths, vol. 61

1. I squeeze each new toilet paper roll so that the cardboard center is a perfect cylinder before I place it on the holder. I can't stand it when it's squished into an oval and it thumps its way around.

2. I tried to plug a lamp into an outlet in our bedroom for more than five minutes the other day. I couldn't really reach the outlet, nor could I see it from my position. If you knew how angry I got during that process and the words I used in my head, you'd quit reading this blog altogether.

3. Amelia has a full set of Fisher-Price dolls for her dollhouse that look more or less like the members of our family. I've even been able to expand out to grandparent-level. The only problem is that the mom in the standard set is blonde, so she keeps saying she has "two Aunt Sarah Ellens" and "no Mommy." So I had to buy the Hispanic Mommy. Thanks, Fisher-Price. #brunettesFTW

4. When I see a woman wearing a printed skirt featuring about 12 colors paired with a top in a 13th color, I go bonkers inside. YOUR TOP SHOULD BE ONE OF THE 12 COLORS, NOT A WHOLE NEW ONE. I'm sure they sold a top to go with that skirt, lady.

5. I drive one-handed. I think it's because for the first 15 years of my driving career, I drove a 5-speed manual transmission, so I was just used to having only one hand on the steering wheel all the time. But three automatic transmissions later? Still one hand.

If you liked these Uncomfortable Truths and would like to read more, click here to read them all.

Uncomfortable truths, vol. 60

1. When I pull bread slices out to make sandwiches, if a slice has a hole in it, I put it back. The possibility of ANY condiment leaking through to my hand while I'm spreading it on the bread strikes fear in my heart like nothing you've ever known.

2. I have two iPhones -- one for work and one for personal use -- and everyone wants me to consolidate. But if we're all in a hostage situation one day and they have everyone throw their phones to the middle of the room -- AS THEY DO -- I'll still have a phone to save us all. WHO'LL HAVE THE LAST LAUGH THEN, INTERNET?

3. Before I see an animated movie, I have to look up who voices all the characters. Once I had to go out to the lobby in the middle of a movie and Google it because it was driving me bonkers.

4. I'm afraid to wish anyone "Happy Birthday" on Facebook, because then I'm afraid EVERYONE will expect me to wish them "Happy Birthday" on Facebook.

5. Nick pushed Jake into a kitchen cabinet a couple of weeks ago while they were playing "chase" around the house, and Jake got a fairly severe cut on his head. We didn't take him to the ER because his pupils were equal and reactive, and he didn't throw up. Also because the scar is going to be under his bangs.


If you liked these Uncomfortable Truths and would like to read more, click here to read them all.

Uncomfortable truths, vol. 59

Internet, it's been almost three months since you've been treated to a set of Uncomfortable Truths. Have you missed them? 


1. Having a ceiling fan set on medium is absolutely necessary for me to be able to sleep. What is problematic, however, is that I have been convinced -- for my entire life -- that sometime during the night, the fan is going to come flying off the ceiling and the blades are going to chop me up.

2. A while back, my Twitter friend Laura McClellan Tweeted that she eats Oreos this way: "I twist, eat the side w/ the creme, then the side w/o." Which brought to mind how I eat Oreos: I twist the tops off of three of them and throw the tops away. Then I stack the remaining three cookies (with creme) together and eat them like a little Oreo Burger.

3. This may make me a terrible person, but I don't want this to happen to me. I'm perfectly fine with dying peacefully in my sleep YEARS LATER.

4. I attribute the fact that I never know how old I am to the fact that I wasn't born in an even year. But we were married in an even year, and I can't ever do the math on how long we've been married, so ...

5. I have to put my bra on backwards and upside-down (so I can see the hooks), hook it, then swing it around and flip it upright.


If you liked these Uncomfortable Truths and would like to read more, click here to read them all.

Uncomfortable truths, vol. 58

1. I still love the smell of Drakkar Noir. Uh huh, from 1988.

2. Every time I use an interoffice envelope, I have to take my black Sharpie and carefully mark through every previous address on it an effort to undo the horrors of all the ballpoint-users and crooked labelers who went before me.

3. When Cindy posted this on Twitter recently:

I was reminded that I don't even consider those "locks." I push them in. Then I turn the handle to see if it actually locked, thereby unlocking it (if it even locked in the first place). Then I do it again, to double-check. Then, if the toilet is anywhere close enough to the door, I'll sit with my foot against the door to try to prevent anyone from entering while I'm in there. Bottom line: THAT'S NOT A LOCK.

4. When I ran that 5k on Thanksgiving morning, I put One Direction's The Story of My Life on repeat and listened to it the entire time. It's a four-minute song. Took me 48 minutes to run the race. I don't math, but that's at least 12 listens.

5. Got out of the shower the other night and realized I'd only shaved ONE of my legs, if you were wondering what it's like to be senile at 40.


If you liked these Uncomfortable Truths and would like to read more, click here to read the whole category -- in which I fully embarrass myself over four years' time or so. To the tune of more than 70 posts (with a little help from my friends, on some occasions).

Pinch-hitting: Uncomfortable truths by Amanda Romine

Do you know Amanda Romine? She and I haven't met. She's one of my most faithful readers, though, one of those who hasn't been scared off after all these years, who keeps coming back even when I write about gross stuff.

Turns out, she had some Uncomfortable Truths of her own that she was willing to share. TURNS OUT, she's almost as certifiable as I am. Congratulations, Amanda ... you've made it to the big leagues of CrazyTown: Its mayor just compared you favorably to herself.

I hope to meet Amanda one day ... we only live a couple of hours apart, but somehow we've never met. Until we do, I'm going to have to make do with these, I suppose. Oh, and be sure to follow her blog and follow her on Twitter. She's a hoot.

1. I will not eat guacamole. I tried several times in the past to like guacamole; after the last time I allowed the putrid green stuff to touch my lips, I vowed to never try to take up a liking for it again. That was in 2010. I am almost as happy with that decision as I am with my decision to give up wearing shorts. I made the decision to give up shorts in 1999. I no longer even own a pair. No shorts. No guacamole.

2. I am addicted to volunteering. I need an intervention. In the last month I've spent just over 105 hours working on things for nonprofits. Is there rehab for being addicted to volunteering? It's becoming an unhealthy obsession. If you ask me to be on your board of directors, I will probably say yes. 

3. I am almost physically unable to go numero dos anywhere but home. If I am at work and feel the need to go, I drive home. Coworkers laugh because when they see my name on the sign out sheet with a detail of "errand. back ASAP," they all know that I have gone home to poop. On vacation, I cannot go without taking a laxative. It's like my sphincter hermetically seals itself shut when I leave my house. This is the number-one reason I cannot take a job located more than five minutes from my house. 

4. Once in 1998 it seemed like a good idea to dye my hair jet black. There may or may not have been seriously large quantities of tequila involved. Given my Cullen-esque complexion, I looked like Morticia Addams for every bit of six months. The uncomfortable part is that I contemplate doing it again.

5. I do not like being around crowds of people. Tasks as simple as going to the grocery store make me so nervous that my hands shake. Christmas shopping is unbearable for me. 99% of my shopping takes place online or through direct sales because I become so anxious in crowds of people that I sometimes cry.

If you liked Amanda's Uncomfortable Truths, there are 70 other posts to read in my Archives. Mostly mine, with a few other people's thrown in for good measure.

Pinch-hitting: Uncomfortable truths by Jan Moyer, take 2

Jan guest-posted with her first set of Uncomfortable Truths in August, and of course she was a huge hit with you guys. Because OBVIOUSLY.

So I invited her back for an encore, and she turned five more Uncomfortable Truths around in no time. Enjoy, Internet!

1. I cannot adjust straps. Tether straps on highchair seats, strollers, helmets, backpacks and carts holding down TVs at school all baffle me and can reduce me to toddler-like frustration. But mostly I give up and walk away.

2. I once canceled a playdate due to a gigantic pimple that appeared overnight.

3. I really, really like Neil Diamond.

4. I forget how to pronounce "Nanaimo" so I just refer to them as "those layered bars with the custard, you know...you know..." and wait for the other person to say it.

[Editor's Note: I have never heard of these things, but she's CANADIAN, so that's a totally viable explanation. But here's a picture of some. I'd eat 'em.]

via That Winsome Girl

5. Last year I was asked by a student teacher if I was pregnant. I pretended the question didn't bother me, but then I went home and put my shirt through the paper shredder. Obviously it was the shirt's fault.

 
Now, go follow @moyermama on Twitter, where she is undeniably hilarious and will brighten your every single day.

Uncomfortable truths, vol. 57

1. Recently a woman who meant to fly to Granada got on a plane to Grenada. First of all, I didn't know those were two different places. Second of all, well. There is no second of all. That could have totally happened to me.

2. I've been dieting since July 15th. I woke up one recent Saturday morning and smelled cinnamon rolls baking in the oven, and tears pricked my eyelids. ACTUAL TEARS. Self-deprivation is a fate worse than death for someone like me.

3. Well this guy just summed me up in a nutshell.

4. Back to the diet: I recently had to stay in the car while my whole family went in Krispy Kreme to buy doughnuts on a Sunday night. I cannot trust myself in their HOT-NOW presence. Because I can eat a dozen plain glazed all by myself. In one sitting.

5. Every time I get to the end of an aisle at the grocery store, I freeze. It's as if I have a huge fear that some suburban woman's gonna jump out and yell "BOO!" at me right as I make the turn. I inch forward until I can see my way around every time.

Uncomfortable truths, vol. 56

1. Every time I see a news story like this ...

... I think, "I could do that. I could totally do that. I wonder if that will happen to me one day. If it did, I bet I could land a plane. Definitely."

2. I feel like if I don't publish a post, I ruin several hundred people's first cup of coffee of the day. It's a lot of pressure. This is not a completely unfounded paranoia, by the way. People have actually said that to me.

3. I thought everyone organized their Loose Change Compartment in their car by silver vs. copper, then by size, until one of my co-workers saw mine and asked, "You DO know you need professional help, right?"

4. When I walk up to my desk and someone's sitting in my chair talking to a co-worker, I feel like Goldilocks. Or Kevin Costner in Field of Dreams. "YOU'RE A GUEST IN MY CORN." I want them out. Now.

5. Instead of using the Do Not Disturb feature on my phone, I use a scrunchie as an iPhone nest on my bedside table. SCRUNCHIES ARE SO MULTI-FUNCTIONAL, Y'ALL.

Pinch-hitting: Uncomfortable truths by my sister

My sister understands that Uncomfortable Truths need to be TRULY UNCOMFORTABLE. And in that spirit, she wrote a set to share with you all.

She also had total writer's remorse and backed out. Like, she reneged in a BIG WAY and took her first set back completely. Then she sent me a second set. And out of this second set, we removed one of them altogether and heavily edited one that remains. And yet, AND YET. You're STILL about to read some pretty fine stuff.

Ladies and several gentlemen, my sister:

1. I occasionally pick my nose in private. Because I enjoy it, like every kid does. I don't care how gross this is to you; everyone does it. EVERYONE DOES IT. If you're super-judgmental and think this is gross, here's some Bonus Katherine Information no one knows to get you on my side: When Katherine and I were kids, I was walking across her bedroom one night and stepped on a fresh booger she'd recently swiped on the floor. I started dry heaving and she was unable to breathe from laughter. 

{Editor's Note: I don't usually break in, but I have to say how nice it is that my sister chose to throw me under the bus in HER Uncomfortable Truths post. Class act. Also, I deny the event in question. Deny, deny, DENY.}

2. I had cellulite by age 19 when I weighed about 125 pounds and ran six miles a day. It started on my butt, then my FRONT THIGHS (which was awesome for a college student when Daisy Dukes were the style), then back thighs, tummy, etc. Now I have it places I didn't even know you could have it, like my CHIN. That's not a dimple. That's cellulite.

3. I know I seem disgusting because of the above uncomfortable truths, but I'm not okay with anyone intentionally farting in front of anyone else as if it's funny (unless the farter is under the age of 4. No, make that 3). I don't care if you've been married 20 years. No farting on purpose. Also, I think everyone should avoid, at all costs, anyone smelling your poop, knowing that you are pooping, or knowing that you have pooped, if at all possible; no matter who, where or when. That includes long-term relationships.

4. I learned to drive a car on a stick shift. Ever since I've owned an automatic, which is all I've driven since 2003, I've felt ashamed. Constant. Shame.

5. In college, I used a (real) diagnosis of walking pneumonia to get out of taking two final exams, and instead, wrote two papers for my final grade. I was great at writing papers, so I got 2 As, but I probably would've gotten Cs on the normal tests.

Pinch-hitting: Uncomfortable truths by Katie Free

Today's pinch-hitter is my friend Katie, who is a loyal blog reader and also a real-life friend. I met Katie through our friend Melanie years ago. (That's Mel on the left and Katie on the right in the picture below.) Katie is a mom of three and was kind enough to agree to share some of her own Uncomfortable Truths with all of us today. (Hers are NOT BAD. Not anywhere near as bad as my own that I regularly post. You guys don't dig deep enough, is all I have to say.)


1. I have to drink a minimum of 64 ounces of water every day. I can tell you my water-consumed status at any point during the day. If I'm falling short of my quota at the end of the day, you can find me in the kitchen chugging water until I reach 64 ounces. And then you will find me in the bathroom for the rest of the night.

2. I loathe the smell of commercial hand soap. I carry hand sanitizer in my purse for this reason. However, if I am in a public restroom with another random person, I always use the hand soap to make sure that person knows that I did wash my hands. Otherwise, I am just sure that random person would identify me by my shoes as the person spreading strep and stomach virus to the entire world. I use hand sanitizer afterwards to get rid of the soap smell.

3. My husband had "the surgery" after our third child was born three years ago. According to his urologist, it was successful. I still worry every single month that I am pregnant. I even have a few tests on standby just in case.

4. I am a new coffee drinker. I have no idea how to order coffee at Starbucks, so I avoid it like the plague. There should be a seminar on this.

5. If my husband is out of town, I spend an obscene amount of time thinking of worst-case scenarios in which I must evacuate with the children. I leave lights on all over the house, the TV on, and keep my phone, shoes, flashlight, purse and keys by the bed. When my husband is home, I don't worry about any of this.


You can follow Katie on Twitter here. And if you're new to Grass Stains or have been living under a rock, you can read hundreds more Uncomfortable Truths here.

Uncomfortable truths, vol. 55

1. I don't know how to search for things on my blog anymore. In the last blog redesign, the "search" box at the top left of the page disappeared, and I don't know where it went or how to get it back. I'm sure someone does, but I'm not that someone. So very sorry if you've been hoping to find something I wrote some other day.

2. If I could see the face I make when I pass a driver in the right lane because I've been stuck behind them in the left lane going 60 mph for 10 minutes -- if I could SEE that face I make? I bet I'd never make it again.  {shudder}

3. I even make the face referenced in #2 at old people. Being old doesn't exempt you from BEING AWARE OF ALL THE THINGS. Especially if you expect to be allowed to be able to continue to drive.

4. I was always frustrated that you couldn't rename app folders on the iPhone. For more than two years I assumed you couldn't ... until I realized that Amelia had renamed a bunch of the folders on her iPod with names like asdkdhfkj and mkjsdndf.

5. Our church's youth pastor came over last Sunday to pick something up from our house. When he texted me to let me know he was on his way, I tried to say, "See you shortly!" THANK GOODNESS I WAS PAYING ATTENTION.

Pinch-hitting: Uncomfortable truths by Gretchen Bush

I'm so proud to introduce today's guest-poster, one of the famous "Stalkers." Gretchen is one of the four loyal blog readers who invited me up to Nashville in June of last year to meet them, and she is a hoot-and-a-half. 

We share the same twisted sense of humor, and we can always count on each other to "get" even our most obscure tweets. She also COMPLETELY embraced the idea of sharing some of her own Uncomfortable Truths with you guys when I asked her about it; I think she came up with some real humdingers.

1. I'm a woman who is approaching 40 years old, which if you ask me means it's high time to not be dealing with acne. However, I do deal with it, and I take medicine for it, you know VANITY. But as much as I hate that I break out like a pubescent boy, there's a part of me that hates the idea of never having a zit to pop again. 

2. Anytime I see a sketchy man walking my way, I mentally plan out my escape from his evil plans, you know, because of Dateline. 

3. Adding to my irrational fears of evil men, anytime I get in my car I look in the backseat for masked evil men. And it's not just a glance, it's a full-on, scour the ends and outs of the backseat. I mean it could be possible it's a little evil man in my car. THANKS A LOT, DATELINE. 

4. I put ketchup on my cottage cheese. Very few people know this about me, because I'm scared of their reaction to it. 

5. There may have been a time or two in my life that instead of doing a load of laundry, I just turned my underwear inside out. 

6. Lastly, if you are ever having a bad day and thinking that nothing is going right for you, I want you to remember this: One time I wrecked BOTH of our vehicles ON THE SAME DAY.

Like her? (I knew you would.) You can find Gretchen on her blog and on Twitter. 

And as always, you can read more Uncomfortable Truths here.

Uncomfortable truths, vol. 54

Here it is ... the second in the first-ever Uncomfortable Truths Double-Header. Hope it was worth coming back for.


1. I try to put the same brand of gas in my van as often as possible. I'm afraid if I put BP, then Exxon, then Shell in my van, it will blow up.

2. Re: #1, when I'm driving through Georgia, all bets are off. It's QT gas every time even though we don't have those in Alabama, because cappuccino.

3. My friend Vanessa gets gas whenever she sees a gas station, whether she needs it or not. I basically buy gas at gunpoint.

4. When someone I leave messages for changes their voicemail greeting, it rocks my world. I only change mine when I get a new phone, so, once every four years? Mine could still state my maiden name for all I know.

5. When Jan tweeted this out recently, it made me laugh, because it relates to one of my Uncomfortable Truths:

I have three levels of underwear, too. Level 1 = The Top Tier. Great fit, no holes, tight elastic. Level 2 = More than five years old, stained crotches, probably a hole or two. Level 3 = DEFCON 1. The lowest of the low that you can still call underwear. Just one step removed from a pair of Under-Alls from the '80s that's stuck in a crevice in the back of my chest of drawers.

Pinch-hitting: Uncomfortable truths by Rachel Callahan, take 2

Rachel's (Grasping for Objectivity) already done this once, but I guess it was just too much fun. So she's back again ... before I even got through my final other few guest-posters!

If you missed her first set of Uncomfortable Truths, please feel free to go back and catch up. And when you're done, here's another set:

1. I cannot sleep on the right side of any bed, ever. However, I got the notion in my head that when Chris and I got married, I should be on the right side of the bed. So on our wedding night, I got comfortable on the right side of the bed. An hour later, I woke him up, told him "This will never do!" and made him swap with me. I've never attempted sleeping on the right side of the bed again.

2. I don't rate iPhone apps. But anytime an app prompts me to rate it, I tell it "remind me later," because I'm afraid that if I say "No Thanks," it will spitefully erase all of my user data. Or worse, hack my phone. 

 

3. I have a sixth sense. I can tell how high a bed is off the ground while laying on it. I seriously do sense it -- just as much as the weather girl on Mean Girls can tell if it's raining. (Or maybe more.) Chris says I just remember how high it was when I got in the bed, but I know that's not true. By the way -- I hate low beds. 

 

4. I get so completely angry at my eyes when I look at them in one of those magnifying mirrors. Because they're obviously and without question green. But get three inches away, and they look brown. So clearly, everyone needs to get all up in my business so they can realize I have green eyes.

 

5. Chris has spent our entire married life trying to convince me to take vitamins, but I have resisted continuously, because I have a tiny throat and THEY'RE HORSE PILLS. However, this summer I discovered Adult Gummy Vitamins. I now overdose on a daily basis.

{Me again. (Grass!)} So, BONUS! Because I've had my friends sharing theirs with you lately, my OWN Uncomfortable Truths have been stacking up in my Drafts. So today's a double-header. That's right, Grass Stains fans ... it's an Internet first: AN UNCOMFORTABLE TRUTHS DOUBLE-HEADER.


Come back after lunch for another set ... mine!

(If you're new here, you can read many, many more Uncomfortable Truths here.)

Uncomfortable truths, vol. 53

1. Nine times out of 10, I can identify which of my kids passed gas by the smell.

2. Easter eggs were still in the hurricane globes in my den until August 17 ... and I only took them out because Jamie and Erin were coming to supper.

3. Over the four years I've been on Twitter, I've only Favorited four Tweets. For whatever reason, I've been under the impression that Favorited Tweets stack up somewhere like the blog posts you Favorite in feedly. Like they require some future action. Only just recently discovered that's not the case ... so I may start doing it.

4. Like Stephanie mentioned when she bared her soul here, a visible number bubble over the email icon on my iPhone freaks me out. I only use it as an "alarm" to do a task. So if all my mail is read, that icon is blank. But if I've read my mail and one of the emails requires me to do something that day, I mark it as new so that little red "1" will remind me I HAVE to do it by bedtime. Speaking of, APPLE, why can't you mark a Text as "new"? #valueadd

5. Grayson scatters nuts, raisins and grapes on a shelf in the corner of our kitchen for Amelia to eat, as if she's a pigeon. I allow it.