Oct 23, 2013

Pinch-hitting: Uncomfortable truths by my sister

My sister understands that Uncomfortable Truths need to be TRULY UNCOMFORTABLE. And in that spirit, she wrote a set to share with you all.

She also had total writer's remorse and backed out. Like, she reneged in a BIG WAY and took her first set back completely. Then she sent me a second set. And out of this second set, we removed one of them altogether and heavily edited one that remains. And yet, AND YET. You're STILL about to read some pretty fine stuff.

Ladies and several gentlemen, my sister:

1. I occasionally pick my nose in private. Because I enjoy it, like every kid does. I don't care how gross this is to you; everyone does it. EVERYONE DOES IT. If you're super-judgmental and think this is gross, here's some Bonus Katherine Information no one knows to get you on my side: When Katherine and I were kids, I was walking across her bedroom one night and stepped on a fresh booger she'd recently swiped on the floor. I started dry heaving and she was unable to breathe from laughter. 

{Editor's Note: I don't usually break in, but I have to say how nice it is that my sister chose to throw me under the bus in HER Uncomfortable Truths post. Class act. Also, I deny the event in question. Deny, deny, DENY.}

2. I had cellulite by age 19 when I weighed about 125 pounds and ran six miles a day. It started on my butt, then my FRONT THIGHS (which was awesome for a college student when Daisy Dukes were the style), then back thighs, tummy, etc. Now I have it places I didn't even know you could have it, like my CHIN. That's not a dimple. That's cellulite.

3. I know I seem disgusting because of the above uncomfortable truths, but I'm not okay with anyone intentionally farting in front of anyone else as if it's funny (unless the farter is under the age of 4. No, make that 3). I don't care if you've been married 20 years. No farting on purpose. Also, I think everyone should avoid, at all costs, anyone smelling your poop, knowing that you are pooping, or knowing that you have pooped, if at all possible; no matter who, where or when. That includes long-term relationships.

4. I learned to drive a car on a stick shift. Ever since I've owned an automatic, which is all I've driven since 2003, I've felt ashamed. Constant. Shame.

5. In college, I used a (real) diagnosis of walking pneumonia to get out of taking two final exams, and instead, wrote two papers for my final grade. I was great at writing papers, so I got 2 As, but I probably would've gotten Cs on the normal tests.

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