Dec 4, 2013

Pinch-hitting: Uncomfortable truths by Amanda Romine

Do you know Amanda Romine? She and I haven't met. She's one of my most faithful readers, though, one of those who hasn't been scared off after all these years, who keeps coming back even when I write about gross stuff.

Turns out, she had some Uncomfortable Truths of her own that she was willing to share. TURNS OUT, she's almost as certifiable as I am. Congratulations, Amanda ... you've made it to the big leagues of CrazyTown: Its mayor just compared you favorably to herself.

I hope to meet Amanda one day ... we only live a couple of hours apart, but somehow we've never met. Until we do, I'm going to have to make do with these, I suppose. Oh, and be sure to follow her blog and follow her on Twitter. She's a hoot.

1. I will not eat guacamole. I tried several times in the past to like guacamole; after the last time I allowed the putrid green stuff to touch my lips, I vowed to never try to take up a liking for it again. That was in 2010. I am almost as happy with that decision as I am with my decision to give up wearing shorts. I made the decision to give up shorts in 1999. I no longer even own a pair. No shorts. No guacamole.

2. I am addicted to volunteering. I need an intervention. In the last month I've spent just over 105 hours working on things for nonprofits. Is there rehab for being addicted to volunteering? It's becoming an unhealthy obsession. If you ask me to be on your board of directors, I will probably say yes. 

3. I am almost physically unable to go numero dos anywhere but home. If I am at work and feel the need to go, I drive home. Coworkers laugh because when they see my name on the sign out sheet with a detail of "errand. back ASAP," they all know that I have gone home to poop. On vacation, I cannot go without taking a laxative. It's like my sphincter hermetically seals itself shut when I leave my house. This is the number-one reason I cannot take a job located more than five minutes from my house. 
4. Once in 1998 it seemed like a good idea to dye my hair jet black. There may or may not have been seriously large quantities of tequila involved. Given my Cullen-esque complexion, I looked like Morticia Addams for every bit of six months. The uncomfortable part is that I contemplate doing it again.

5. I do not like being around crowds of people. Tasks as simple as going to the grocery store make me so nervous that my hands shake. Christmas shopping is unbearable for me. 99% of my shopping takes place online or through direct sales because I become so anxious in crowds of people that I sometimes cry.

If you liked Amanda's Uncomfortable Truths, there are 70 other posts to read in my Archives. Mostly mine, with a few other people's thrown in for good measure.

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