Boo!

Last night when I got in from Houston, I drove straight home.

To our old house.

I was on the phone with my sister, and clearly I was on auto-pilot. The next thing I knew, my headlights hit a For Sale sign and I was completely and totally shocked for about a tenth of a second. I felt like someone had robbed us or something.

And then I realized what I'd done and I blurted out, "Ohmygosh, I just drove up to the old house!"

Considering that the houses are only half a mile apart -- and therefore only the last three or four blocks differ in the route home from the airport -- I'm not that surprised that my tired brain failed me. But we still had a good laugh about it.

I looped around the block and drove over to THE HOUSE WHERE I LIVE, and when I pulled into the neighborhood, I was greeted by this:

So, do I win? Do I have the first neighbors with full-scale Halloween decorations out? IN AUGUST?

Have you heard about Dezignable?

This is not a sponsored post. I'm just sharing this with you guys because it's new and so many of you have expressed how difficult you find it to decorate your own homes.

There's a new site/service called Dezignable (don't blame me for the terrible spelling), and they provide a service that many online independent designers used to offer but don't have the time or energy to offer anymore.

Basically, you upload photos of your room to their site, as well as some inspiration images to give them an idea of your style and desired outcome. They share your project with their online designers, and then three of their designers provide you with mood boards for your room for one flat price. (Designs start at $299 per room, which -- trust me -- is a great price for a custom design. That's up to 500 square feet of space. Prices go up for larger rooms/whole house spaces.)

Did you ever watch that HGTV show Designer's Challenge? It was always one of my favorites. Dezignable is sort of like that, because you choose a favorite of the three boards that you receive, and then they send you the complete shopping list and floor plan for your space. All the details of how it works are here.

Let me know if you use it ... I'm really interested to hear. They have a section of the site devoted to Current Projects that I'm headed over to check out now!

Uncomfortable truths, vol. 64

1. When I was expecting Amelia, I developed a complete and total aversion to any kind of neckline on a shirt other than a V-neck. I felt like crew-necks or any other kind of circle-shaped neck was intent on choking me. One night around 2 a.m. I woke up and, in a fit of pique, stormed to the bathroom and did this to my nightshirt:

2. I feel like I do my best grocery shopping when I'm hungry. I grab all the best food! (Grayson disagrees.)

3. People have been talking about kale for a while now, and recently there was even a Bachelor contestant whose son's name is Kale. I had to Google it because I had no idea what it looked like. And I've already forgotten what it looks like again.

4. I'm basically a memaw so I take like nine pills a day. When I count them out of their various containers to fill my pill thing up for the week, I subconsciously try to pour out the exact number of each that I need. Twenty-one of one, 14 of one, seven of a couple, etc. When I'm successful, I may or may not high-five myself.

5. Every time I drive under a bridge, I'm afraid it's going to fall on my car. Or that a car that's crossing it is going to drive off of it and land on my car. There's probably a name for my particular brand of crazy.


If you liked these Uncomfortable Truths and would like to read more, click here to read them all. But be forewarned: There are 63+ previous posts.

My Foolproof Movie Recommendation Formula

I am extremely picky about movies. I see a lot of them, but I don't love a lot of them. I like about 65 percent of the ones I see. I LOVE about 5 percent of the ones I see. The rest, I'm "meh" about.

I'm much more forgiving about TV shows -- not that I'm willing to waste time on TV, but I find that I'm not as disappointed by spending 30 minutes watching a sitcom that makes me laugh twice as I am by a two-hour movie comedy that makes me laugh twice. Also, I can make the choice not to ever watch that sitcom again, but all I can do about the movie is choose not to watch a potential sequel. NOT MUCH REVENGE THERE.

But these days, I have help with movies. My personal film critics preview most movies for me and then tell me if I'll like them: my friends Jamie and Melanie. They are excellent barometers. Basically, they apply my Foolproof Movie Recommendation Formula, which I've developed subconsciously over time and has greatly enhanced my odds of enjoying a movie.

Today, I share it with you, Internet.

Start at 50.  

Was an animal abused, attacked or killed/died? If no, add 10 points. If yes, subtract 25 points.

Was a child abused, attacked or killed/died? If no, add 5 points. If yes, subtract 20 points.

Was there any element of racism? If no, add 20 points. If yes, subtract 40 points.

Did one or more character speak with a British accent? If no, subtract 15 points. If yes, add 15 points.

Did one or more British actors speak with an American accent WHAT A WASTE? If no, add 5 points. If yes, subtract 20 points.

Was Matt Damon in it? If no, subtract 5 points. If yes, add 10 points.

Was Jennifer Garner in it? If no, subtract 5 points. If yes, add 10 points.

Was Chris Pratt, Bradley Cooper, Channing Tatum or a Hemsworth in it? If no, subtract 5 points. If yes, add 20 points.

Was Jennifer Tilly or Steve Buscemi in it? If no, add 5 points. If yes, subtract 30 points.

Did it feature an inspirational sports theme? If no, write a letter of protest. If yes, add 50 points.

Is it a Pixar film? If no, subtract 5 points. If yes, add 20 points. 

Did it take place prior to 1950? If no, add 20 points. If yes, subtract 20 points. 

Was the entire movie a long series of unfortunate or depressing events? If no, add 10 points. If yes, subtract 70 points.

Was much of the plot predicated on ridiculous, easily avoided conflict or miscommunication between the love interests? If no, add 20 points. If yes, subtract 40 points.

Did Aaron Sorkin write the script? If no, subtract 5 points. If yes, add 40 points.

Was the ending happy? If no, subtract 35 points. If yes, add 35 points.

WAS THERE A "SIX MONTHS LATER" EPILOGUE? If no, subtract 5 points. If yes, add 30 points.

Using my Foolproof Movie Recommendation Formula, the following movies would have received:

Inside Out - 125*

Titanic - 95

Sense & Sensibility - 65**
 
Ex Machina - 20
 
Notting Hill - 200***

Guardians of the Galaxy - 145
 
Pretty Woman -140

The Spy -155

Eight Below - 50
 
Wild - 60
 
Rudy - 190
 
The Patriot - I've never seen it, but I hate it. Please listen to this week's Bonus Episode of The Popcast for more information on My Superpower and how this works.

Apply my formula to the movie of your choice and see how it comes out. Did the results surprise you or confirm your own opinion of it? Let me know!


*Inside Out would have scored a mere 25 if I'd chosen to stipulate that the entire movie was "a long series of unfortunate or depressing events." Which it kind of was. But not really in the traditional sense, so I'm giving it a pass on that one. The fact that all four of our kids loved it has a lot of bearing on which way I let that one go.

**Sense & Sensibility is one of my favorite films of all time. Lost major points for how much of it was predicated on the "miscommunication between the love interests." Good thing I didn't know Jamie and Melanie when this came out.

***I may have to watch Notting Hill again, since I only saw it once when it was released and it scored so high on my Foolproof scale. WHO KNOWS WHAT I MIGHT BE MISSING?

Post of the day

You guys.

Rachel's dad guest-posted today.

You need to go read it.

My Popcast Rebuttal

Did you read my post earlier this morning about being a guest on The Popcast today? Yeah. My worst nightmare. But it’s happening.

You can listen to it here. Or read the earlier post for instructions on downloading it and/or subscribing to The Popcast, which would be even better. Show notes are here.

And now, my rebuttal, which is totally necessary but only decipherable if you’ve actually listened to the podcast:

Cold Open

“Christian Bale is riding that Anna fame.” I’M SORRY, WHO? I think you meant to say KRISTEN BELL, she of the MAGICAL KRISTEN BELLS. Knox focused on the number of syllables. I focused on the fact that you’re changing the actual gender and person, JAMIE.

Do I feel bad about ragging on Jamie that way right off the bat? NO I DO NOT. Because I’ve heard the episode in its entirety, and I have nothing to apologize for. NOTHING. Knox and Jamie, on the other hand. Well. I’ll let you decide.  #teamgrass

My Personal Introduction

Um, he just interrupted me. SO THAT’S HOW THIS IS GONNA GO, IS IT KNOX?

“It’s like she named the baby, and then she started pinching the baby behind the knee to get it to cry.” Some would say that makes me a loving mother. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. (I mean, some would also say what doesn’t kill you makes you wish you were dead, but let’s not listen to those people.)

Who I’d Want to Sit Next to on a Seven-hour Plane Ride

“I’m gonna pick Jane Austen because she’s never been on an airplane before.” If you believe that if Jamie boards a plane and sees empty seats next to Chris Hemsworth and Jane Austen, she chooses the seat next to Jane Austen, I’ve got some ocean-front property in Arizona I’d like to sell you. Jamie would knock down a toddler, a pregnant lady and her own mother to get to that seat next to Chris Hemsworth, AND SHE’D FEEL GOOD ABOUT IT.  #teamgrass

“What is a Scott Foley?” WHAT IS A SCOTT FOLEY? Knox McCoy. Sometimes I think you’re not fit to co-host a pop-culture podcast.

“What happened with Ben? He banged a 28-year-old, Katherine.” STEP OFF, PODCASTERS. That news broke after I recorded my segment, thankyouverymuch. The fact that you waited so long to post it is BEYOND MY CONTROL, and now I’m being raked over the coals for it. Oh yeah, I’m breaking the fourth wall FOR THE SAKE OF MY POP-CULTURE CREDIBILITY MAY IT REST IN PEACE.

“Mean no to Ellen DeGeneres sitting next to me on a plane.” If you don’t want to sit by Ellen on a plane, you cannot be helped. Either of you. Both of you. 

“Imunna pick two celebrities who are deaf. Marlee Matlin and … I don’t know any other deaf celebrities.” Knox McCoy, you are a racist.

The Pop Culture Quote that Probably Best Sums Me Up

Well. Now the Instagram story is out there. (I don’t really consider my blog “out there.” There are so few of you here.) THANK YOU, JAMIE. 

My Favorite Fictional Heroine

“I want to make a qualification here. Kristen Bell’s not magical. I’m just saying Kristen Bell’s not bad.” I can see you backpedaling all the way from Birmingham, Knox McCoy. Don’t you DARE try to get out of the Kristen Bell Fan Club. In for a penny, in for a pound. You’re a lifer, permanently shackled to her. With me.  #teamgrass

If I Could Sing a Duet with Anybody

“Who the Eff is Jude Cole?” Ima try really, REALLY hard not to wipe the two of you out of my phone. Really hard. And Jude Cole and Kiefer Sutherland’s music label IS A REAL THING.

“I am buying that album.” Thanks for throwing me a bone there, Jamie. That you would follow me and my sister around on our imaginary tour of “small venues in our VW bus.” (Trying not to be offended that we wouldn’t be invited to play stadiums.)

Something I’m Absolutely the Best At

“I’m not so shallow to hate things that I’ve never tried, but then I made a list, and my list got really long.” SEE? Everybody has a list. You may not know it, but you have a list.  #teamgrass

If I Could be an Extra on any TV Show

DON’T RAIN ON MY PARADE KNOX MCCOY.

In Closing

In all seriousness, I do love The Popcast and Knox and Jamie, and I support them on Patreon. I’d love it if you would, too, since these two kids are actually trying to make a real go of this podcast thing. If you want to subscribe to The Popcast, their regular content is always free. Premium content is available to supporters, and of course it’s just nice to support people who are doing a good job at what they do. Click here to find out how to do that.

The worst thing that's ever happened to me

If you don't know me well, you might think the worst thing that's ever happened to me is that I Instagrammed my hemorrhoids.

Or that I shat my pants in a Walgreen's.

NOPE.

It's that some people asked me to be a guest on their podcast and I felt compelled to say Yes.

AN INTROVERT'S NIGHTMARE, INTERNET.

But do you know what sometimes overrides my introverted soul? My people-pleaser mentality. In fact, the people-pleaser side of me is so strong, sometimes I find myself volunteering for extra work. Or in this case, extra mortification. And demoralization.

Have you ever listened to The Popcast? It's only the preeminent pop-culture podcast in existence. It happens to be hosted by my friends Jamie Golden and Knox McCoy, and when they release a new episode, it's the highlight of my podcast week. Unlike other, WEAKER podcasts, they aren't produced seasonally. They air year-round, and they are spectacular.

Wait. Let me back up for a second. I asked if you've ever listened to The Popcast. Perhaps what I should have asked is, have you ever listed to A PODCAST? If you haven't, please let my disaster of an episode of The Popcast be your first. You won't regret it. It's free, and I'm going to show you how. You don't even have to download a special app. If you have an iPhone -- and probably if you have a Droid -- a podcasting app is preloaded on it.

And if you're already a podcast-listening pro, come back later today, because Ima have a Popcast Rebuttal Post going up. BECAUSE HOW COULD I NOT.  #teamgrass

Okay, for you podcast newbies, you can click here to stream the podcast now, or you can read on to learn how to download it.

I don't know where your stock podcast app is, but mine is in a folder I named Useless Stuff. Not because podcasts are useless to me, but because it's one of those preloaded Apple apps that I can't delete, but that I don't use. (I use Downcast.) Anyway, look for the purple "Podcasts" app on your phone.

When you open it up, you probably won't have any visible in the My Podcasts window unless Apple has subscribed to some for you. Which wouldn't surprise me.

So, click on the Search function at the bottom, the magnifying glass. You can search for Popcast, but then you'll have to scroll through the results to find it. Your best bet will be to search for Knox McCoy, and that will bring up The Popcast right away. (They don't know why, but searching for Know McCoy or Jamie Golden brings up much better results in the Search function.)

You're looking for this:

And while you're at it, I'll give you some other recommendations of entertainment/pop-culture podcasts to add to your subscription list (keep the Popcast up on your screen and just follow these instructions to add it as a subscription). One is Off Camera with Sam Jones:

Once it comes up in your search, select the podcast:

 A description of the podcast, a list of recent episodes and a Subscribe button will appear:

Click the Subscribe button, and you're all signed up!

To download any individual episode, touch the little cloud/arrow symbol to the right of the episode title. Going forward, episodes will automatically download into your queue whenever the hosts post them.

Now, some people -- myself included -- don't love the Apple podcast app and choose to use something from the App Store. I like Downcast. You can see it below, the red icon with the D.

 Functionally, it works about the same as the preloaded app. You tap Add to search for/add a podcast.

You type a podcast name into the Search field and hit Search:

It brings up the search results:

And you can read a full description of the podcast, then hit Subscribe at the top if you want to subscribe. You can also tap View Episodes at the bottom to get more information about individual episodes.

This is where you get the nitty-gritty ... the episode length, full episode descriptions including guest hosts, etc. And you can swipe to download individual episodes from here.

Okay! Hopefully you feel like you're ready to go. LET'S LISTEN TO ME BEING RIPPED APART LIMB FROM LIMB BY PEOPLE WHO THINK GAME OF THRONES IS A GOOD TV SHOW.  #goodlord  #terribletaste  #teamgrass

Before & After: The Laundry Room

The changes in the laundry room aren't as significant as the changes in the rest of the house.I mean, I got rid of the two-toned walls and the laminate cabinets, but everything else stayed. One day, I'd love to do a new sink -- farmhouse, of course! -- but for a room that sees as few "outside eyes" as a laundry room does, spending a lot in here just wasn't a responsible use of funds.

BEFORE

AFTER

My contractor added floating cedar shelves between the new white cabinets, which for reasons I still do not understand he had to hang where they open on the wrong sides. He explained it to me twice, and I am still befuddled. He said he would have had to bring them in three inches on each side in order for them to open correctly if they were hung on opposite sides, but I don't see why. The hinges are on the insides of the doors, not the outsides. But whatever.

BEFORE BEFORE WITH THEIR STUFF

Once they'd cleaned the house out, this closet had more space, but no more apparent functionality. I suppose it was supposed to be a broom closet. But look at all that wasted space! NO MA'AM.

BEFORE

AFTER

I took the door off and asked my painter to fill in the holes. My contractor built the shelves, which I wanted to be solid wood (not wire) so that stuff wouldn't fall through them. This is where most of our non-perishables and bulk paper goods live now.

There used to be a Horrid Flourescent Light Fixture up here. Like a four-foot-long one.

Now the ceiling is blue and we have this pretty fixture! #happygrass

So, not a huge transformation, but a good one. And one day, I hope to demo the tile floor and put in a new sink and cabinet base for it. You know, Phase 16.

Sources:

Wall Paint: Sherwin-Williams Repose Gray

Trim Paint: Benjamin Moore White Dove

Ceiling Paint: Benjamin Moore Palladian Blue

Light Fixture: Bronze 20-inch Ceiling Light with Opaque Shade

                                    

Before & After: The Mudroom

I intended to share the master bedroom and bath pictures with you next. That was until I realized what a p-o-o-r job I'd done taking After pictures of the bathroom. And I really won't have the daylight to take proper pictures again until this weekend. So.

Today it's the mudroom!

Our new-to-us house has so many wonderful features that make it the perfect home for our family. One thing it did not have when we purchased it was a hall closet -- or anywhere to hang jackets, backpacks, etc. -- other than in the bedroom closets.

After enjoying our makeshift mudroom in our previous house for several years -- just a series of hooks in our main hallway -- I knew we needed to find a place in the new house for something similar, if not more generous.

A couple of months ago, I had an idea. Basically, there was a pantry in the hallway between the kitchen and the garage. But there was also a pantry cabinet -- albeit a shallow one -- in the newly designed kitchen, and a completely empty closet in the laundry room, which is adjacent to the kitchen.

In the picture below, the pantry cabinet is that tall white one in the foreground. The actual former pantry was right behind it, to the right of the door to the garage, and the laundry room is to the left of the door to the garage.

My idea was, I thought the old pantry would make a great mudroom. Right by the garage, and I'd turn the empty closet in the laundry room into a supplemental pantry space to help make up what we'd be losing in the process.

Well, this tiny little area ended up being quite the project. The contractor had to tear out the door casing, widen the opening and then build out the mudroom to my specifications. (And I'm quite the specifier.) (This shocks exactly EVERYONE READING, I know.)

There's no natural light in the hallway, so I'll show you a set of After pictures with the small canned light on, then a set with it off.

BEFORE

AFTER

In keeping with the rest of the color palette in the house, the trim is Benjamin Moore's White Dove, and the ceiling is Palladian Blue. The bench seat is cedar stained Provincial by Minwax.

BEFORE

 AFTER

Since we moved in, I've added a natural basket to each of the cubbies, and three large natural baskets under the bench for shoes. School starts this morning, so time will tell if it will work out as well for us as the hooks did at the old house!

Sources:

Ceiling Paint: Benjamin Moore Palladian Blue

Trim Paint: Benjamin Moore White Dove

YOU GUYS. IT HAPPENED TO JACK BLACK, TOO.

YOU GUYS, YOU GUYS.

Remember that time that Jake spent like most of a mortgage payment on in-app purchases in iTunes?

How I kept hearing my phone ding early one morning and I thought it was lots of you commenting on that morning's blog post but then I remembered that hardly anyone comments on my blog posts and OH MY GAW THEY'RE ALL iTUNES RECEIPTS.

Well, as it turns out, Apple's still ringing that bell, and Jack Black and I now officially have something in common.

While I'm pulling together a post on the master bedroom and bathroom, enjoy this:

Before & After: Guest Bedroom and Bath

Apparently I didn't do a spectacular job of matching up my Before and After photos of the guest bedroom. I guess that happens when you take them eight months apart.

Hopefully you'll still be able to get the general sense of what happened. The guest bedroom is probably the room in which I made the fewest changes, but it's still a lighter, fresher space than it was before. It's on the main floor of the house, so it benefited from the hardwoods that were installed on that level.

 BEFORE

AFTER

BEFORE

It looks as though I installed a flush-mount "nipple light" in here, but I didn't. That's a white ceiling fan that has that kind of light kit on it. I opted for that instead of the tulip-light style that used to be in there.

AFTER

Just outside the guest bedroom door is the guest bathroom.

BEFORE

AFTER

I do have a mirror for that bathroom, but it isn't hung up yet. (Still. Three weeks after we moved in.) It's huge, and it will take a village. I bought the same ones for our master bath, and they're not up, either.

BEFORE

AFTER

BEFORE

I'm very anti-shower doors. My va-jay-jay had a very painful run-in with the tracks of shower doors when I was about 8 years old when I slipped and fell getting out of the tub. There will never be shower doors in a house that I own.

AFTER

I kept the existing tub to save money, just cleaning it up and replacing the fixtures.

Sources:

Bathroom Mirror: Abram Wood Rectangle Mirror

Bath Vanity: Wyndenhall Windham Soft White Bath Vanity

Floor Tile: Similar to this, although I purchased directly through DalTile

Bath Surround Tile: Similar to this, although I purchased directly through DalTile

Toilet: American Standard Champion

Light Fixture: Schoolhouse Light in Bronze 

Shower/tub Fixtures: I didn't switch out the in-wall plumbing, so I had to replace the fixtures with old-style Delta items. They don't sell those at Home Depot or Lowe's ... you have to go to wholesalers or specialty stores. I purchased mine at V&W Supply in Pelham, Ala.

Paint: Benjamin Moore White Dove (trim), Cos Cob Stonewall (doors), Sleigh Bells (walls)