Aug 17, 2015

My Popcast Rebuttal

Did you read my post earlier this morning about being a guest on The Popcast today? Yeah. My worst nightmare. But it’s happening.

You can listen to it here. Or read the earlier post for instructions on downloading it and/or subscribing to The Popcast, which would be even better. Show notes are here.

And now, my rebuttal, which is totally necessary but only decipherable if you’ve actually listened to the podcast:

Cold Open
“Christian Bale is riding that Anna fame.” I’M SORRY, WHO? I think you meant to say KRISTEN BELL, she of the MAGICAL KRISTEN BELLS. Knox focused on the number of syllables. I focused on the fact that you’re changing the actual gender and person, JAMIE.

Do I feel bad about ragging on Jamie that way right off the bat? NO I DO NOT. Because I’ve heard the episode in its entirety, and I have nothing to apologize for. NOTHING. Knox and Jamie, on the other hand. Well. I’ll let you decide.  #teamgrass

My Personal Introduction
Um, he just interrupted me. SO THAT’S HOW THIS IS GONNA GO, IS IT KNOX?

“It’s like she named the baby, and then she started pinching the baby behind the knee to get it to cry.” Some would say that makes me a loving mother. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. (I mean, some would also say what doesn’t kill you makes you wish you were dead, but let’s not listen to those people.)

Who I’d Want to Sit Next to on a Seven-hour Plane Ride
“I’m gonna pick Jane Austen because she’s never been on an airplane before.” If you believe that if Jamie boards a plane and sees empty seats next to Chris Hemsworth and Jane Austen, she chooses the seat next to Jane Austen, I’ve got some ocean-front property in Arizona I’d like to sell you. Jamie would knock down a toddler, a pregnant lady and her own mother to get to that seat next to Chris Hemsworth, AND SHE’D FEEL GOOD ABOUT IT.  #teamgrass

“What is a Scott Foley?” WHAT IS A SCOTT FOLEY? Knox McCoy. Sometimes I think you’re not fit to co-host a pop-culture podcast.

“What happened with Ben? He banged a 28-year-old, Katherine.” STEP OFF, PODCASTERS. That news broke after I recorded my segment, thankyouverymuch. The fact that you waited so long to post it is BEYOND MY CONTROL, and now I’m being raked over the coals for it. Oh yeah, I’m breaking the fourth wall FOR THE SAKE OF MY POP-CULTURE CREDIBILITY MAY IT REST IN PEACE.

“Mean no to Ellen DeGeneres sitting next to me on a plane.” If you don’t want to sit by Ellen on a plane, you cannot be helped. Either of you. Both of you. 

“Imunna pick two celebrities who are deaf. Marlee Matlin and … I don’t know any other deaf celebrities.” Knox McCoy, you are a racist.

The Pop Culture Quote that Probably Best Sums Me Up
Well. Now the Instagram story is out there. (I don’t really consider my blog “out there.” There are so few of you here.) THANK YOU, JAMIE. 

My Favorite Fictional Heroine
“I want to make a qualification here. Kristen Bell’s not magical. I’m just saying Kristen Bell’s not bad.” I can see you backpedaling all the way from Birmingham, Knox McCoy. Don’t you DARE try to get out of the Kristen Bell Fan Club. In for a penny, in for a pound. You’re a lifer, permanently shackled to her. With me.  #teamgrass

If I Could Sing a Duet with Anybody
“Who the Eff is Jude Cole?” Ima try really, REALLY hard not to wipe the two of you out of my phone. Really hard. And Jude Cole and Kiefer Sutherland’s music label IS A REAL THING.

“I am buying that album.” Thanks for throwing me a bone there, Jamie. That you would follow me and my sister around on our imaginary tour of “small venues in our VW bus.” (Trying not to be offended that we wouldn’t be invited to play stadiums.)

Something I’m Absolutely the Best At
“I’m not so shallow to hate things that I’ve never tried, but then I made a list, and my list got really long.” SEE? Everybody has a list. You may not know it, but you have a list.  #teamgrass

If I Could be an Extra on any TV Show

In Closing
In all seriousness, I do love The Popcast and Knox and Jamie, and I support them on Patreon. I’d love it if you would, too, since these two kids are actually trying to make a real go of this podcast thing. If you want to subscribe to The Popcast, their regular content is always free. Premium content is available to supporters, and of course it’s just nice to support people who are doing a good job at what they do. Click here to find out how to do that.

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