Jake's 3rd birthday party

Although Jake's 3rd birthday was on the 16th, we actually had his party a week earlier because the 16th was shaping up to be so busy.

He was so excited about his party, but when guests started arriving, he suddenly went into Super Shy Mode. We had to drag him outside to "mingle," but he stood at the top of the yard with his hands over his face for the first 20 minutes.

All of the other kids were busy playing in the yard.

And yet there Jake stood, up by the trampoline, silent and observing.

One of his best friends, Alden, scaled the climbing wall.

His teacher's daughter Olivia tried the swings and the playhouse.

His teacher, Ms. Carolyn, tried to coax him out of his shell.

Finally -- finally! -- he decided to join the fun.

He showed everybody "how it's done" over at the climbing wall.

Once everyone was good and hungry, we headed inside to open gifts and eat lunch.

The party was loosely Harry Potter-themed, and we gave him a Harry Potter broom, wand and glasses.

He did a great job opening all of his own presents.

His response to each one was pure joy. He loved them all!

My parents gave him a SuperWhy! laptop, which he couldn't wait to use.

My cousin's son John Bart's 2nd birthday was on the day of the party, so we celebrated his special day, too.

We gave him a Mickey Mouse Clubhouse laptop, which he seemed to really like.

Next, it was time for cake. Our cake baker Vickie outdid herself once again!

She'd never made a Harry Potter cake before, but she did a great job on it.

She asked if I had anything particular in mind, and I really didn't.

I told her it could be Harry himself, the Book of Spells, a Quiddich court or whatever. I told her to surprise me!

And as usual, she did a wonderful job! Jake loved it so much.

We had a good crowd of kids to celebrate with us, although at the beginning of the week I was concerned because I'd only heard from a couple of parents. As it turned out, an hour before the party started, I had one parent call to say their plans had changed and they could come after all, which was great.

And then five minutes later I had a mom of twins in Jake's class call to say, "We're going to be able to come to the party today, and it will be the twins, their older sister and the little girl who spent the night with us last night if that's okay."

That was a first for me! It really was totally fine, since we were serving pizza and I'd ordered a large enough cake (plus some) for everyone. But it totally cracked me up.

Throughout the singing of Happy Birthday, Jakey was just DYING to get into that cake.

When it was time to blow out the candles, he huffed and he puffed.

 And he huffed and puffed some more.

Aaaaaand, some more.

And he was like, "What the what? These candles are IMPOSSIBLE!"

"SOMEBODY FIX THIS!"

Alden to the rescue!

Alden had a real handle on the situation. (And Nathaniel might have been a little horrified that Alden was stealing Jake's birthday thunder.)

Success!

Once the cake was cut, it was enjoyed by all. John Bart particularly took a liking to it.

And Sprite Zero, which he'd never had before.

It's fun for these two to almost share a birthday (a year apart)!

Once the party was over, Jake basically spent the rest of the weekend being spoiled by his Mop and Pop. All in all, a great weekend!

3-year-old comparison

Nathaniel

Nicholas

Jake

One year

Today it's been a year.

If you've been reading for the last year -- or longer -- perhaps it's as hard for you to wrap your head around it as it is for me to do it.

One year ago today, Kyser died.

When I was in the doctor's office this week, wondering if our baby had died, my thoughts ran rampant. One train of thought centered around the fact that I really didn't want to add another loss to April's tally. For such a beautiful month, it's now fraught with sadness for me.

While it will always mean celebrating our sweet Jake's birthday, it will also carry the burden of being the month in which we lost both Gabe and Kyser.

I have great hope for April, that it will find more ways to redeem itself for our family. I know we'll never forget our losses, but I would love to add more smiles to the month as well.

Please keep both sides of our family in your thoughts and prayers this week.

Saturday laughs

This was a tough week, but one that ended wonderfully with Family Movie Night last night. We watched Tangled, and we all loved it. Even Jake put down his DS about 10 minutes into the movie and stayed transfixed the entire rest of the night.

Then I got to looking at several of the funnies I'd bookmarked over the past couple of weeks to share with you, and the laughter did me a world of good. Hope you enjoy them and that you have a fantastic Saturday, friends.

Courtesy of When Parents Text

Dad: Lets get serious. $5 for every mouse u kill before mom and I get home. Dad: $10 for every picture u take with a mouse tail in ur teeth. (20 minutes later) Dad: Need mouse update. I want proof of death. Send pics.

*****

 Me: I got an a+ on a paper this morning! Mom: fridge time.

  ***** 

DAD: (while in Mexico) Calls cost 99 cents per minute, so only call if you are on fire. Texts cost us 5 cents to receive, so not a big deal. If you suspect that a personal conflagration is imminent but aren’t allowed to call since you are not literally on fire yet, then text. Emails are free, so feel free to use them entirely at your discretion, even if you are merely thinking about fires. xo

   ***** 

mom: dad and i are getting divorced.

me: WHAT??!!!!

mom: AH-HAH! your phone DOES work!

 ***** 

Mom: We accidentally packed bananas on our trip and forgot about them. One got all smushed on Ben’s math book. He’s so upset b/c it smells like bananas. Dad washed the book and is now BLOW DRYING the pages for Ben. OMG.

  *****

 Dad: Mom lost her sunglasses in the ocean today. She was all “I was ok until that one wave hit me.” Now she keeps talking about how she hopes Ariel is enjoying her ray-bans.

 *****

ME: i got the package with my charger in it today. thanks for the shoes! that was a nice surprise!

MOM: You’re welcome. Did you notice the leftover crackers we put in there?

ME: umm yeah…

MOM: Well no one here was going to eat them

*****

MOM: I just wanted to let you know that if you ever committed a serious crime, I wouldn’t turn you in.

MOM: But I would really encourage you to turn yourself over to the police.

(15 minutes Later )

Mom: tonight I’m making tex-mex!

*****

Mom: Saw the social network last night. Mark Z totally did steal those twin boys’ idea!

*****

Me: Can i get a tattoo?
Dad: If it can fit on your penis then u have my blessing.
Me: What?!?!
Dad: U read it right… u can forget about getting it any place im gonna see it.

 *****

Me: Mom, would you still love me if I dropped out of school to be a stripper?

Mom: Maybe.

Mom: No.

Three!

Jake,

Ohhhh, my sweet Jakey. Tomorrow you will be THREE! I can’t believe it! You can’t either … you’ve been resisting this day for months now. You keep saying, “No! I two! I two!” when we try to tell you that you’re turning three. You really love two. And when we talk about the baby on the way, you say, “NO. I DAH BABY.” You’re not quite ready to relinquish your coveted status yet. And I, for one, think it’s adorable.

Daddy and I think you may be our “shy guy.” Of the three boys, you’re the one who goes off and plays by yourself, heading over to the corner behind the couch and playing on your DSi for two hours without a peep.

You routinely leave the supper table after just a few bites to go watch TV all by yourself. And since you can work the TiVo remote and Now Playing List like a champ, you’re completely self-sufficient.

Another thing you take care of all by yourself is snack time. When you’re hungry, you go to the pantry and usually pull out one of two things: the jar of peanuts (which you pour into the top and pick nuts out of) or the huge bag of dried fruit from Costco. If it’s not peanuts or dried fruit, you open the fridge and get a cheese stick or Trix yogurt. And sometimes you walk away, leaving the door open and all the food to go warm. !!

You are by far the most affectionate one in our family. When Daddy picks you up from school, you run full-speed toward him and tackle him in a hug. You do the same when you find me at home once you guys arrive there. You lean your head against me while we watch SuperWhy!, Little Einsteins and Toy Story, and you snuggle with me when we read every night. You won’t have snuggle time with me in the rocker anymore after lights-out, because you’re so afraid you’re going to hurt my tummy. I try to reassure you that it’s okay, but you’re set on it. It’s so sweet.

You want to go everywhere, even if there’s nothing for you to do. You love the ballpark, and you clap loudly for Nathaniel during his baseball games. You hang out at the BMX track and the skateboard park, just playing with rocks and dirt while your brothers ride their bikes and boards. You rarely complain about it … you just want to be with all of us.

You LOVE jumping on the trampoline, with your brothers or by yourself. You’re capable of riding a bike with training wheels, but you don’t like it yet. (I don’t think it will be long, though.) You’re such a wonderful companion for all of us, and I can’t imagine our family without you … our sweet Jakey.

We love you so, so much!

Love,

Mommy

 

The longest hour of my entire life

Yesterday, 9:31 a.m.

I was sitting on the exam table in my OB's office, waiting on the nurse to come in and check me out at my 9:15 a.m. 16-week visit. I was 12 pages into a David Baldacci book I received two Christmases ago but hadn't yet gotten around to starting.

9:36 a.m.

Nurse Deann walked in with the Doppler and got down to business, spreading the lotion on my tummy to listen to the baby's heartbeat.

9:39 a.m.

Deann heard plenty of MY heartbeat but wasn't able to hear the baby's, no matter how long she listened or how firmly she pushed the Doppler around my midsection. She said brightly, "No worries! We'll just have Dr. S do it when he comes in. Give him a few minutes and he'll be with you." I responded, "I'm not freaked out … this happened to me several times before with the other pregnancies."

9:42 a.m.

I was back to reading again, not worried, just waiting on the doctor to come in.

9:47 a.m.

Dr. S came in and set me up again for the Doppler. Round and round and round he went. I was slightly more nervous when he got no results, just because it's unusual for two people to be unable to hear that distinct, faster whooshing over my own heartbeat.

9:50 a.m.

I asked, "Can we set up an ultrasound just to be sure everything's okay?" He said, "That's exactly what we'll do. Just sit tight while I go set up the room."

9:58 a.m.

He came back and got me, and we walked around the corner to the ultrasound room, which they really don't use anymore because there's a whole separate office that does them now, one floor below his office. However, he'd turned the machine on and gotten it ready so that we could have some peace of mind without the hassle of setting up with the office downstairs.

10 a.m.

He opted for the transvaginal ultrasound so that he could get really close to the baby, as opposed to the external kind where they smear the lotion on your tummy and get a view from the top. Deann was in there with us, and it was silent for a few minutes. The monitor wasn't turned toward me, but I craned my head to see it. I saw no movement, nothing that looked like a baby at all. You could have heard a pin drop.

10:05 a.m.

Dr. S said, "See, here's your bladder, here are some intestines. Here's your uterus, and I don't … SEE anything in there."

B   O   O   M   .

10:06 a.m.

Dr. S: "Have you had any bleeding, cramping or contractions?"

Me: "No. Nothing like that at all."

Silence, silence and more silence while he looked, probed, did everything he could to find evidence that the little person I've been praying for all this time was still there.

To his credit, he didn't placate me by saying something like, "Everything's fine. It's going to be okay." He kept it real. He knew that everything might NOT be okay.

Dr. S: "This is just so strange … we saw the healthy baby at 12 weeks and we heard a strong heartbeat two weeks ago."

Me: "Is it possible that even with all of that, that it could just be … gone? Like, could it have somehow reabsorbed into my body without me having any signs of miscarriage or anything?"

Dr. S: "It doesn't happen frequently, especially at this stage in a pregnancy, but yes, it's possible. I just don't see a baby there."

Deann reached out and held my hand.

10:13 a.m.

Dr. S said, "I'm not going to be the final word on this. Deann, call down to high-risk and get their ultrasound tech up here. Katherine, we're going to take another look. Give us a few minutes to get it set up with the tech from downstairs."

I prayed and I prayed and I prayed. I didn't do any bargaining with God; I just prayed that he would show us the baby, that the baby was safe. I wasn't willing to give up yet.

10:15 a.m.

Deann couldn't get them on the phone, so she ran down the stairs, explained our situation, and as soon as the tech finished the patients she was working on, she came back up. Meanwhile, Dr. S stayed with me, God bless him.

My mind was filled with 3,000 thoughts. "The boys are going to be devastated. How can we tell them we lost the baby? My sister will be so sad. We're just going to be a family of five. We'll still fit in a booth with a chair at one end. Instead of moving Jake in with Nicholas and Nathaniel to his own room, we'll leave things as they are. I'm going to sell my maternity clothes and all the boys' old clothes. Will I have to have a D&C? How will I go back to work today? I'm not going back to work for the rest of the week."

It went on and on and on without ceasing, equal parts out-of-control stream of consciousness and purposeful prayer, until the door opened again.

10:29 a.m.

The high-risk ultrasound tech arrived and set me up transvaginally again. And again, you could have heard a pin drop in the room. Now we had Dr. S, Deann, a nurse I'd never met before, the high-risk tech, and me. Crowded room, all of us hoping for good news. The tech's lips were clamped shut as she began, and her face was stoic.

10:31 a.m.

The ultrasound tech said, "I see some movement."

"I see a heartbeat."

"It looks good."

Deann squeezed my hand tightly, tears flowing. For the first time since this horrid little adventure began, I felt tears sliding down my own face, into my hair and onto the exam table.

I cocked my finger and thumb at Dr. S like a gun and said loudly, "YOU'RE FIRED!" (I was kidding. Mostly.)

The tech said, "It's pushed really far to one side of the uterus, which is probably why you couldn't find it or hear the heartbeat before, but it looks great. Look at it moving!"

"AWWW. It's waving at you!"

And sure enough, the baby had raised its right hand, turned it straight at the camera, and was waving it slowly side to side.

"I might have been hard to find, Mama, but here I am! Here I am! I am still here."

10:41 a.m.

Dr. S walked me down the hall to the checkout desk, hand on my shoulder, two fingers on his own neck and said, "Shew. I think my pulse is finally starting to slow down."

I said, "I'm happy for both of us. I'm happy I'm leaving with good news, and I'm happy you didn't have to tell me bad news. Let's call it a good day."

10:54 a.m.

I sat in the Chick-fil-A drive-through and ordered a chocolate milkshake before 11:00 BECAUSE I DESERVED IT.

I can't math

Internet, this is EXACTLY how I feel every time I go to tip a waitperson at a restaurant:

I can grammar, though, so I wouldn't have made that particular gaffe.

However, it occurs to me that maybe I don't HAVE to math at all. Maybe if I just scribble an illegible tip amount and list a legible total, they can calculate the tip on their own, those people with a calculator or a cash register or whatever.

Can I? Huh? Can I?

Uncomfortable truths, vol. 12

1. In 20 years, I wonder if we'll all be saying, "Twenty years ago, we used to have to pee in bathrooms with other people, separated by only a three-quarter wall. BARBARIC." Because, quite frankly, it has bothered me all my life and I can't believe we still accept it as perfectly normal.

2. SHALLOW ALERT: I had to unfollow someone's blog last month because the mere sight of her made my nausea worse. Related: also must avoid Kathie Lee and Hoda at all costs.

3. You wanna know how old-fashioned I am in my head? Sometimes when I hear about celebrity couples who've been dating a few months, I'm like, "Hmm. Wonder if they've had sex yet. Maybe not ... it's only been four months." I know you're all sitting there banging your fists on the table, yelling at your computer screen: "SECOND DATE, KATHERINE! SECOND DATE!" But Internet, to me, you'll all be virgins until you get married.

4. All four times I've been pregnant, there's been only one food that I have not eaten: the Reese's Peanut Butter Cup (or any of its divine iterations: Egg/Heart/Pumpkin/Christmas Tree). I simply will not sully its perfection by throwing it up, so therefore it's completely off the table during pregnancy. Reese's Peanut Butter Cup: the one true sacred food.

5. I have revolving-door anxiety. We have one in the lobby of my office building, and we're supposed to use it instead of the regular doors on either side of it. It never fails ... every time I get ready to step into it, my heart starts to race a little bit. I'm always afraid the back of it is going to nip my heel and trip me up or that someone's going to jump into the section behind me and push it so hard I go flying out the other side. ALWAYS.