Slices of Life, Vol. 49

Several months ago we watched the Steve Jobs biopic Jobs with Nathaniel and Nick. When Josh Gad started speaking, Nathaniel exclaimed, “Hey, that’s Olaf!” #Frozen

Nathaniel and Nick came to work with me for Take Your Kids To Work Day last spring. As the kids' planned activities were winding down, the boys walked back to my desk.

Program Coordinator: "We ordered pizza for the kids, but your boys said they wanted to eat with you."

My Manager: "What kind of kids don't want PIZZA?"

Nick: "The kind who'd rather spend more time with their mom."

Me:  [heart melted]

I took Nathaniel to the dermatologist for a checkup. While she was talking to him about skincare:

Liz: "You got your mom's skin."

Nathaniel: "Yeah, I got a lot of 'er."

Two days later, I reminded him to get something out of the car for about the third time. 

Nathaniel: "Mommy, you know the other day when I told the doctor that I got a lot of things from you? I DEFINITELY got your memory."

Jake's Extended Day class was talking about the future.

Teacher: "Jake, what do you want to be when you grow up?"

Jake: "A vegetarian."

Through the spring and summer, I read the Jesus Storybook Bible to Jake, a few stories every night. One night after a story he particularly enjoyed:

Jake: "This is so inspirating!"

Growing up with a younger sister is already proving very educational for the boys. For instance, she's training them to deal with the unpredictability that can accompany living with a female. Nathaniel walked into the den and saw Amelia there, watching a show:

Nathaniel: "Hi, Amelia!"

Amelia: "Don't 'HI' me!"

No one in our house likes to fold laundry. Does anyone ANYWHERE like to fold laundry? If so, you might be able to barter your services at our house on Sunday nights.

Jake: "Nathaniel, I'll pay you five dollahs to fold my laundwy."

Nathaniel: "No."

Jake: "Okay, I'll give you a ten-dollah Toys Ah Us gift cahd. That's the best I can do."

Nathaniel's in 6th grade now, and he's very nearly as tall as I. It's quite disconcerting, actually. The other day:

Nathaniel: "Mommy, will you sign this progress report, please?"

Nick:  [to me]  "Uh, Nathaniel sounds puberty-ish."

As I'd mentioned, I was reading the Jesus Storybook Bible. We got to the birth story and something in the illustration must have seemed ... familiar? ... to him. I promise there's no VW van pictured. As I turned the page:

Jake: "Oh, was this 1978?!"

Me: "You want to watch an Americans later?"

Grayson: "Sure, we can watch one after they go to bed."

Amelia: " 'THEY'RE' not going to bed."

Jake is a cuddler, a compliment-giver and always tries to do the right thing. I tell him all the time that he's going to make some young woman very lucky one day ... he's going to be a fantastic husband. While we were watching last season's finale of The Middle (which they filmed at Disney World):

Jake: "One day I'm gonna take my wife to Disney World to have a woh-mantic expewience."

When we visited my grandmother in South Carolina several months ago, she kept marveling over how much the kids had grown and how cute they are. At one point she reached out and grabbed Jake's hand:
 
Gigi: [squealing]  "Ooh, I just want to eat you alive!"

Jake: "PLEASE DON'T."

Nick: "I don't see why so many people say Jake looks like you."

Grayson: "I can see it, a little bit."

Nick: "Well, I won't tell you all the ways I think you're different because I don't want to hurt your feelings."

 
The kids recently discovered one of our favorite games, Catchphrase. To play, the gamepiece gives you a topic and you have to get your team to guess it without using any part of the word in your clues. Oh, and it's timed, so there's a sense of urgency. One day they were playing it in the car:

Nathaniel: "It's that old TV show I like, the one with The Professor."

Nick: "Um."

Nathaniel: "YOU KNOW THE ONE, THE ONE WHERE THEY'RE STUCK, THEY HAVE ..."

Nick: "Oh! Oh yeah! GIDEON'S ISLAND."

Jake: "I went to see Rio2 for my field twip today at the Y."

Me: "You did? Did you like it?"

Jake: "I weely did. Most movies have either action OR woh-mance, but Rio2 had action AND woh-mance!"

Before bed one night, I sang the SuperWhy theme song to Amelia. Nick came in about halfway through and listened to the rest, then sat with his mouth hanging open.

Nick: "I didn't know you could sing like that."

Me: "Like what?"

Nick: "Like a PROFESSIONAL. You don't LOOK like you can sing like that."

Me: "What do you mean?"

Nick: "Well, for one thing, your clothes aren't as sparkly."

One Sunday night, the weekly Laundry Folding Torture Session had begun, but we were missing one participant.

Grayson: "Nick! Where are you at?"

Jake: "NOT DOING HIS LAUNDRY IS WHERE HE'S AT."

Driving down the road, my eyes began to water and my nose began to burn.

Me: "Oh my GOSH, who tooted?"

Amelia: [cheerfully]. "I did!"

Me: "Amelia! That's BRUTAL!"

Jake: "What does 'brutal' mean, Mommy?"

Me: "It means really tough, hard to take."

Jake: "OOF. BREATHE THROUGH YOUR MOUTH, MOMMY. BREATHE THROUGH YIUR MOUTH!"

On Nick's 10th birthday -- admittedly a special occasion --

Nathaniel: "How late can we stay up? Twelve? One? Three?"

[Grayson raises his eyebrows.]

Nathaniel: [deadpans]  "You shoulda stopped me at twelve."

Amelia is the Queen of Stalling before Bed. She wants to give everyone hugs and kisses, and then do the complete circuit again. Then she needs to find her blanket and "phone" [iPod]. Then she might decide she wants to change from her Minnie nightgown to her Ariel nightgown (no). And last but not least, she chooses both "foot socks" AND "hand socks" to wear to sleep. And when ALL THAT still hasn't managed to keep her up as long as she'd like, her newest tactic is an all-caps:

"I'M TOO BIZZY TO GO TO BED."

Jake: "Mommy, is it against the wah to go for two teams?"

Me: "What do you mean? Do you mean to like two football teams?"

Jake: "Yes, like if I want to go for Alaba-mah AND Aw-buhn, is that iw-wegal."

Me: "Oh, no, honey. It's not illegal. You can do that. Or if you want to, you can pull for Auburn even if your brothers pull for Alabama. That's okay. Why are you asking about this?"

Jake: "Well, a lot of my friends go for Aw-buhn, and I want to be on their side. But I DO still like Alaba-mah, so I want to go for them, too. But I don't want to break the wah."