Oct 23, 2014

Y'all are still a hot mess

I'm gonna start this post off with one of the most unique home screens I received, and I'm gonna close it out the same way. To kick us off, Travis' home screen. Travis is from Florida. Not coincidentally, he is the ONLY person who had a folder on his home screen dedicated to Fishing. I am super-perplexed that he moved his Calendar to a perma-spot and put his Texts up top. I don't even know what to make of that.

Ombre for the win! I love Nikki's ombre background, and I think my sister will totally obsess over it. So cute. She said, "I loved your post last year. It was the starting point of "operation get my phone in order." I had zero folders before that day, and multiple pages of apps." GRASS STAINS. #changinglives #chargeyourphonenikki

Fifty-four uninstalled app updates. A Fantasy Football app. More than 9,000 unread emails. It's a good thing Chris has some stellar qualities, none of which have to do with the state of his phone.

Okay, this reader's screenshot was titled "home screen - color coded." Look closely, left to right. Green, royal blue, sky blue, multi-colored. BLOW. MY. MIND. (Who sent this? You need to take credit in the Comments because I accidentally deleted your email!)

Jenifer's home screen is the only one I got that swapped Messages out of a perma-spot in favor of Settings. Huh. Ima have a hard time arguing logic with someone who sent their screenshot in when her battery was at an exemplary 100%, however. WELL DONE, JENIFER.

Natasha said, "I'm sure you're going to have a field day about my unread mail." UM. Dear Anyone Who's Ever Sent Natasha An Email: It's time to give up now. Love, Grass

Heather says that having too many folders on one page upsets her. So she has "two home screens," as she put it, and they both look about like this. I'll tell you one thing: I'm not going to argue with a cat who has that look on its face.

Meggan is one of the few people who still admits to playing Candy Crush. And she admits it Loud and Proud, right there in the middle of her home screen, not hidden in some Games folder somewhere. YOU BE YOU, MEGGAN. Also, please return those eight phone calls. And CHARGE YOUR PHONE, FOR THE LOVE.

Rachel is the only person I remember seeing who's downloaded an app that customizes her everyday app icons into something more. I have to assume all of her really embarrassing stuff is on screens two and three -- aside from the glaring fact that she doesn't have her battery percentage turned on. THAT is staring us all in the face.

I'm dying to know if Nichole's home screen background is seasonal (for Halloween), or if it looks like this all the time. I almost have a seizure every time I look at it, but surely that's just me. And are the icons DANCING? They look like they're dancing.

"Less" is Colleen's word of the year. All the apps are in a folder titled "Stuff." She said the second screen looks pretty much like this one ... she's from Canada. I don't know if that explains it or not. What say you, other Canadians? This one cracks me up.

Everyone will immediately know this one is Rachel's, because it's a gorgeous sunset photo in the background. Also, Camera, Camera+ and ProHDR all in a row right there. I won't tell you how many unread emails she ACTUALLY has, but that 52 is a total lie. I don't know how she gets it to SAY 52, but that's just sorcery.

Sarah is an artist. Don't ask me why I can look at this home screen and tell that this random assortment of icons in no particular order is the home screen of an artist, but I can. Weird, isn't it? She was humble about it, too. "Let's take a moment to talk about perfection." Was the title of her email.

Patrick is one of the most unique people i know, and his home screen shows it. Please take a moment to compare apps with him. How many do you have in common? THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT. Also, it nearly kills me outright that he doesn't have his Gmail tied to his Mail app, so his Mail app sits there, empty but taking up a perfectly good perma-spot. GOD HELP US ALL.

Honor is one of my closest friends, having been a part of my life for 23 years now. Am I surprised that she has a folder on her home screen titled "Mom's Games"? I am not. Am I surprised that she has two-and-a-half times as many photography apps as I do? YES I AM. Also, if you have to consult four different weather apps every day, you might need a better weather app.

Ricky has more apps in his Useless folder than in any other folder. I'm not sure if that says more about Apple or about Ricky. I will say this: The icons are so small that I can't say for sure that he has them properly stowed by category. But after he sent me this screenshot, he tweeted me a new one that clearly indicated that he'd stashed Photos in the SOCIAL folder. IN THE SOCIAL FOLDER, INTERNET. So basically his entire system is suspect.

Tracey asked me to "be gentle." When am I not gentle? Chevron background, battery percentage turned on, battery half full, Tweetbot installed ... What's not to like? OH I SEE. You didn't send me your second screen. You're hiding your dirty little secrets on Page Two. Nicely done, Tracey, nicely done.

Beth has seven -- SEVEN -- pages of apps. Beth, help me help you. HELP ME, HELP YOU. I know. You don't want to be helped. You participated last year, and here you are again. AND YOU ONLY USE THREE OF YOUR PERMA-SPOTS. Lord have mercy.

Elizabeth's home screen is one of the more unique ones I received in terms of apps and placement. Sleep Pillow? White noise and alarm clock. (I asked.) Dictionary? She uses it every day. And you can see that she's moved Camera+ to a perma-spot, eschewing the stock Camera app altogether. Mail got moved up to the second row on Screen One, where it sits with Instagram, Twitter and Facebook.

Robin's home screen hasn't changed too much since last year. Poor thing ... she still won't make a folder to save her life. Next year she may be up to 22 screens.

Laura-pronounced-Lora carries the distinction of being the only reader to send in a screenshot with Snapshat in a visible location. I told her that the fact that I don't recognize half of her apps AND she has Snapchat installed totally show her age. Or mine. Whatever.

I like how Giann decided that she needed a Misc. and a Misc. 2. One big Misc. folder was just too much work. I also enjoy how Tweetbot and the Bible are side-by-side. Tweetliness is next to Godliness.

As you'd expect, Jamie changed most of the names of her folders to cute little descriptors. Bookish. Snaps. Screens. The Man. Buy Low. This is also -- I'll have you know -- her "Fall screenshot," as she told me when she sent me a text that said, "I want you to use my Fall screenshot." Instead of the summer one she'd originally submitted. She's not high-maintenance at ALL.

Kate said she was excited to hear my "verdict" on her home screen. Well, Kate, I'm fascinated that you're firmly with me in the Vertical Screen Lock Camp, but you don't have your Battery Percentage turned on. How do you sleep at night? What is your secret?

Carolina girl Leslee is equal parts Education and Entertainment. I don't even HAVE a folder titled Education. Bygones. Leslee, don't you constantly open the Phone app wanting to text and open the Text app wanting to make a phone call? I don't know WHY Apple made them the exact same color, and it always drove me nuts. I had to put them on opposite sides of the bottom row to keep myself sane.

Jan. Jan, Jan, Jan. I think Jan dropped her phone in the toilet or some such thing, so now she has some Dharma Initiative thing taking up most of her home screen. I don't even KNOW what's going on here. Also, a red notification bubble by the Phone icon that has no number in it? GAH.

Ruth sent a bulleted list via email with her screenshot, as if it would protect her from judgment. HOW QUAINT. The best part about her email was that she admitted to moving things around before taking her screenshot so that it looked better. First appearance of several apps here, and my most favoritest of these is the little Songza guy. HOW CUTE IS HE. BRB after I recover from the background image.

A few Droid users wanted to play, and although I know NOTHING about their phones, I included their screenshots since they were nice enough to send them. This is Loyal Reader Breenah's home screen, and I have to say, I'm envious of the big timestamp. I'm super-confused about why it says "9:19 a.m." in big numbers at the top left and "7:33 a.m." in smaller numbers at the bottom right, but ... okay.

Cathrine from The Netherlands seems to be a really organized gal. Also? She chose a nice picture for her background. P.S. If there's an app that puts a half-calendar like this on the home screen of an iPhone, I'd be interested in knowing about its existence.

So if you were wanting to know how to get me not to say anything mean about your screenshot, take a page out of Michelle's book: "My screenshot is more about the background. This is a picture of my mother and father a few days after I was born in 1977. They divorced before I was 2, so this is one of the only pictures I have of the three of us. My mother passed away in 1986, and my father just this past July."

And finally, the inspiration behind yesterday's post: Shawn, the 19-percenter.

Out of ALL the people who talk such a big game about how they never use the phone, they ONLY text, and they hate Hate HATE the phone, I've never known a single soul to move the Phone app to a "Useless" folder or even out of a perma-spot. Well, lo and behold, SHAWN DID IT.

And not only that, but his perma-spots -- with the exception of Text Messages -- are completely different than the ones Steve Jobs set him up with out of the box. And for that I give him a Slow Clap.

Thanks, everyone, for playing! It was fun again this year!

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