Jun 12, 2014

Slices of Life, Vol. 48

Amelia is a big music lover ... she loves to listen to music and she loves to sing. She watched the first night of American Idol auditions with me last season, and when one particularly horrible singer began his audition, she pointed to the TV and asked, "WHAT'S THAT NOISE?"

* * * * * * *

One morning near the end of school, the carpool line was moving excruciatingly slowly for no apparent reason. Nathaniel was in 5th grade and on Safety Patrol through the year, but he was on afternoon shifts.

Nathaniel: "WHY is carpool taking FOREVER today?"

Me: "I have no idea. They need to hurry up."

Nathaniel: "Come ON, guys. You open the door, you watch the kids get out, you say, 'HAVE A GREAT DAY' and you shut the door. IT'S NOT ROCKET SCIENCE."

* * * * * * *

While goofing around on our bed with Amelia one night, she picked up one of our throw pillows and playfully batted Scout with it.

Me: "Amelia! Don't hit Scoutie with that pillow ... you'll hurt him!"

Amelia:  [in my direction, in protest]  "BAAAAHHH!!!"

Me: "What was THAT all about?"

Amelia:  [nonchalantly]  "Oh, I scweamed."

* * * * * * *

On the morning of one of Jake's school performances in front of a large crowd of parents:

Jake: "My tongue feels all dried out."

Me: "Do you think that could be because you feel excited about your performance?"


* * * * * * *

Nick: "So if we're not ever gonna have another baby, can we adopt one?"

Grayson: "No."

Nick: "Why not?"

Grayson: "Because being a parent is a huge responsibility. It's hard, and we already have our hands full with you four. I mean, some days, I'd like to send YOU back."

Nathaniel: "Really?"

Nick: [to Nathaniel]  "I MEAN, HAVE YOU SEEN HOW I ACT?"

* * * * * * *

Amelia loves to look at pictures, whether it's in our scrapbooks, on my laptop or on a phone or iPod. When we look at a picture of her:

Me: "Who is that?"

Amelia: "You!"

Me: "No, that's not me, it's YOU!"

Amelia:  [Blank stare]

* * * * * * *

Me: "What is THIS in the microwave?"

Nathaniel: "Oh. Jake microwaved his hot chocolate for two minutes."

* * * * * * *

Nathaniel is away at Boy Scout camp this week, his first time at sleep-away camp. When Jake and Nick climbed in my minivan after Y Camp yesterday afternoon:

Jake: "How long 'til we have to smell Nathaniel again?"

* * * * * * *

When we were at Disney World, while driving out of Downtown Disney one afternoon, Nick caught sight of the Cirque du Soleil sign.

Nick: "What's that?"

Me: "Cirque du Soleil."

Nick: "What's that, bullfighting?"

Me: "No, it's kind of like a combination of gymnastics and a circus. It's really neat ... we'll take you guys sometime."

Nick: "Oh. 'Olay' reminded me of bullfighting."

* * * * * * *

Also while we were in Orlando, we went to a character breakfast at Hollywood Studios. As soon as we walked in the door, we began seeing some of our favorites, and Jake and Amelia started yelling their names out in recognition.


Amelia: "SOH-PEE-UH!"

Jake: "JAKE!"


Amelia:  [seeing an older Hispanic waitress with a shoulder-length bob]  "DOH-WAH!"

I. could. have. died.

* * * * * * *

A lot of times when I change one of Amelia's dirty diapers, I exclaim things like, "Gracious!" or "Whew!" if they're particularly odorous. The other day while I was changing one:


Amelia: "Is it GWAY-SHUS?"

* * * * * * *

On the morning of Grayson's birthday as we were walking out the door for school:

Jake: "Mommy, for Daddy's birthday are you getting cake or cupcakes? I PREFER BOTH."

* * * * * * *

Grayson: "Nick, when is your speech due?"

Nick: "I'm pretty sure it's February 31st."

* * * * * * *

Driving home from school one evening:

Jake: "Mommy, what does 'went' mean?"

Me: "Went?"

Jake: "No, not 'went.' 'Went,' with an aw."

Me: "Umm. OH. RENT?"

* * * * * * *

Driving TO school a day or two after that:

Nathaniel: "Mommy, what's menopause?"

Me: "WHY, exactly, are you asking about this?"

Nathaniel: "Oh just tell us what it is."

Me: "Well, it's when a woman's body goes through changes that no longer allow her to get pregnant. I haven't gone through it yet, but you have symptoms like hot flashes ..."

Nathaniel:  [interrupts]  "Are you SURE you haven't gone through it yet?"

* * * * * * *

For Grayson's birthday, I ended up ordering a strawberry cake (his favorite). That night, everyone was SO happy to have birthday cake for dessert. As I walked up to the cake to get my piece (my first), Jake walked up to get a piece, too.

Me: "Jake, is that your second helping?"

Jake: "Do you mean, is this my second SUHVING?"

Me: "Yes."

Jake: "Then yes, THIS IS ONLY my second SUHVING."

* * * * * * *

Recently, Nick and I were explaining to the new director at Amelia's daycare center that Nick was once suspended from daycare when he was 2. To be fair to Nick, probably a third to half of the responsibility for the breakdown of the situation belonged with his teacher -- a teacher who was let go from the center about a month later. Nick defended himself pretty succinctly when the new director asked him what had happened:

Nick: "I blame her. And global warming."

* * * * * * *

At the supper table one night, Grayson and I were "arguing" about the timing and location of a vacation we took the year Nathaniel was born.

Jake: [shaking his head]  "Sometimes I wonder how the two of you ever got together."

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