Mar 31, 2014

Slices of Life, Vol. 47

This is a very special edition of Slices of Life. It's the one you've been waiting more than three months to read -- especially you, Jami L.! -- the one guest-written by my sister after her visit over Christmas. Enjoy.

All three boys had recently contracted lice at their school before my visit. Kat and Gray had  completed all of the necessary HAZMAT activities in the house, and had gotten the all-clear that the boys were lice-free before I arrived.

The first morning I was there, after I awoke, I came downstairs and walked into the kitchen. Nick and Nathaniel were eating cereal and watching TV. I kissed Nick on the head on my way to get water. He immediately started vigorously scratching his head at that spot. I asked him why he was scratching his head, and he said, “Oh, it’s probably just the lice.” 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I asked Nathaniel if he had seen “Catching Fire,” the second in the Hunger Games trilogy. Nathaniel said he and Grayson saw it, and when I asked him if Katherine had gone with them to see it, Nathaniel said, “NO. Every single scene of that movie is much too powerful for her."

[This is probably accurate. My sister is a huge wuss about movies.]

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Amelia spilled Nerds all over the floor in the living room (where no kid is supposed to eat). Katherine told the boys (who had given Amelia the Nerds) to clean them up.

Jake dramatically shrugged his shoulders and said, “What, by EATING THEM?” (Which is exactly what they did).

 ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The boys, as most kids are, are obsessed with video games. They play them constantly, on their laptops, iPods, or Xbox. At some point one day, I tried to divert their attention (it didn’t work) by playing “Would you rather” with them.

Me: “Would you rather be a policeman or a firefighter?”

Nick: “Oh, I’d be the Po-Po, for sure.”

 ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Grayson got a couple of Call of Duty games for Christmas. Of course, the boys wanted to play, but the games are rated for adults. There were parental controls on one of them. Grayson allowed Nathaniel to try it out first. 

Grayson: “I’ll turn off cussing and blood.”

Nathaniel: “Oh, WHY BLOOD?”

 ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Jake asked me my age:

Jake: “How old are you?”

Me: “I’m three years younger than your Mommy.” 

Jake: [Incredulously] “Yo YONGO than Mommy? YO YONGO THAN MOMMY? I cayant believe that!”

Me: “Thanks, Jakey.”

 ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Nathaniel and Nick were playing Call of Duty; I was sitting on the sofa. I noticed that the Japanese soldier was smoking a cigarette.

Nick: “Is that meth or something? Meth is very popular in Japan.”

Nathaniel: “That’s in Taiwan, Nick.”

Me: “How do you guys know anything about meth?”

Nick: “We saw it on the Discovery Channel.”

 ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Grayson and Nathaniel were playing Call of Duty while my Dad and I casually watched.
Nathaniel shot a good guy, and was very trigger-happy in general.

Pop (my Dad, a retired Navy submarine Captain), watching from the couch, to Nathaniel: “NO, DON’T SHOOT HIM! HE’S YOUR SUBMACHINE GUNNER! Oh no!” 

[Nathaniel’s submachine gunner is dead].

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The boys decided they were going to make a ton of money on eBay by selling their PSP and Wii games, since they got an Xbox from Mop and Pop for Christmas. They started dividing up the PSP and Wii games they could sell.

Nick to Jake: “Jake, if you let us sell this, we’ll give you a quarter of the money we get.”

Nathaniel: “We’re splitting all of the money into thirds.”

Nick [gives dirty look to Nathaniel]: “Oh, yeah.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Nathaniel woke me up, in the most exasperated voice of all time, “Can you get up now? It’s like, 10:11.” [Ed. Note: I agree, I’m a lazyass when I can be, and 10:11 is embarrassing.] I came downstairs and asked Nathaniel if Amelia had eaten breakfast. 

Nathaniel: “Yes, she had Junior Mints for breakfast.” 

Me: “…She had…Junior Mints. Is that all?” 

Nathaniel: “Yes. We shared the box.”

Me: “Nathaniel, you know that Junior Mints is not an okay breakfast for you or Amelia, right?”

Nathaniel: “Yeah, but nobody was down here.”

Me: “You know better than that, buddy.”

Nathaniel: “Then get up earlier.”

 ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

While playing basketball with the boys: Nathaniel, after making a basket: “Nothing but net, rim and backboard!”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Jake, as a general observation: “Amelia kind of runs this house.”

 ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

 Nathaniel’s fortune cookie said: “You will make a change for the better.”

Nathaniel gave the fortune to Nick and said, “Here, Nick, have this, it will benefit us all.”

Nick picked up the hot sauce bottle on the table and said to Grayson, “Can I pour this on him NOW?"

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I was going to bed in Nick and Jake’s room (Nick was sleeping with Nathaniel in his queen bed for the week, and I was sleeping in Nick’s twin). Jake had been asleep in his own twin bed for a few hours, but when I got into Nick’s bed, Jake was suddenly wide awake.

I slipped into bed and took off my sweatpants under the covers and put them on the floor (he couldn’t see anything.) He goes, “Do you have to sleep like that?”

I had no idea what he meant. I said, “Like what, buddy?” Jake hesitated. “With yo pants off?” I responded, “Do you want me to put my pants on, buddy?” He nodded his head solemnly yes.

So, I tried to sleep in sweatpants for probably the first time ever.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

About ten minutes later, Jake sat up, wide awake and said, “We get new pajamas for Christmas every year.” 

Me: “I know! Mommy and I took pictures of you in them, remember? Are they comfortable?” 

Jake: “Yes, they’re fleece. Are yours?” 

Me: “No.” 

 Jake: “Are yours cotton?”

Me: “Yes.” 

Jake: “Then I’m probably more comfortable than you are right now.”

After that little chat, Jake decided he needed to be tucked in again, like Miss Anna (his most beloved former Kindercare teacher and babysitter) does. So, I got to tuck him in and get one more hug and kiss from his sweet face.

He still couldn’t sleep, so I asked him if I could play some relaxing music. He said yes. I played a mix on my laptop that I had named “Sleepytown,” which consists of Bon Iver and the like. Jake was asleep in three minutes.

I was asleep within ten.

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