Mar 18, 2013

Uncomfortable truths, vol. 45

1. I now reference my "Twitter friends" and "blog friends" in conversation as often as I reference real-life friends. Since I love to retell funny stories -- and half of those these days come from people I originally met or only know online -- it's just the way things are.

2. Every morning I tell myself I won't fall into a trance when I sit down on the toilet right after I wake up. Every morning I fail. It usually takes some noise like Grayson hitting his toothbrush against the edge of his sink to snap me out of it.

3. I've been trying to find some cat poop Scout hid somewhere in our den for over a month. You'd think it wouldn't be hard to find, but it has eluded me for weeks. Over the weekend, Nick finally found it in a dark corner under a table. If you think it's gross, imagine how disgusted I am.

4. I've been afraid of getting an ingrown toenail since I was about 8 years old. I've never had one, and I don't even know what one looks like. But every four weeks or so, I'm sure I've got one.

5. At least once a month I brainstorm stealthy ways to alert Grayson I'm being held against my will. (I have never been kidnapped. But if there's one thing Liam Neeson has taught us, it's that we need to be prepared.) My current plan is -- when we are inevitably connected by phone and I'm supposed to be "acting normal" -- to tell him that his mom called (she's deceased) or to ask him to give Nathaniel, Nick, Jake and AMY a kiss goodnight from me. I think we can all agree I have a bright future in espionage.

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