Feb 1, 2013

A glimpse inside the crazy

I've mentioned before that it's really hard for me to turn my brain off, as in, it just runs and runs all the time. Not in a productive or intellectual way, mind you. I'm not over here solving the world's problems or thinking about what Churchill could have done differently.

It's more along the lines of "I wonder how Tori and Dean are decorating their new house?" and "If I decide to scrape our textured ceilings, would we have to actually move OUT of the house, or could we just go room by room and drape everything in plastic?"

Aren't you glad you don't know me in real life? I'm exhausting.

At any rate, I know it's hard for people to understand what I mean when I say that I can't just clear my mind. Mind you, I don't hear OTHER people's voices, just my own, so I think that automatically discounts my craziness from like 82 percent down to around low-30s. Ballpark.

On to my example: I recently received a massage as a gift, and I think massages should be totally relaxing. To me, that means no conversation with the massage therapist. I've had really talkative massage therapists who would. not. shut. up. And I've had some perfectly lovely ones who took the hint and just massaged. This last one was one of the lovely, quiet ones.

The thing is, as much as I like for them to leave me alone, there are SO MANY things that crowd my thoughts as soon as the massage starts. Here is what my brain did the other day when that Asian music with the waterfall in the background started up:

Have you ever massaged someone who you suspected had an eating disorder? If you thought someone was anorexic, would you say something to her? I mean, I'M not anorexic. HA! Do you pace yourself to the music, like, you know you're supposed to be moving from working on my left shoulder to my right at this moment because of that swell in the music? Or because people have different areas you focus on because of pain or whatever, is every massage different so you look at a clock somewhere to keep yourself on time?

Have you ever seen something you thought might be a melanoma on someone's back, where they can't see it? Would you say something if you did? Have you ever felt a lump, like under somebody's arm? What's the grossest thing you've ever seen on someone's body during a massage? As much as I ABHOR being naked in front of anyone, I am 100 percent sure that I am not the worst-looking person you have seen this week. I will take comfort in that.

Do your hands EVER get chapped? I don't see how they could, because you have that oil all over them eight to 10 hours a day. When you call in sick, does another massage therapist cover your appointments, or do they to cancel your appointments? Do you get finger cramps? Do you have to do strength exercises for your hands?
What's the most awkward thing that's ever happened to you as a massage therapist? There are so many possibilities running through my mind that I literally need you to tell me of I might explode from thinking of all the horrible things that might have happened.

That was all within the first three minutes, Internet. Clearly I am not well. Right? It's just a constant stream-of-consciousness up there.

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