Two things

First of all, although YES, I do enjoy the marshmallows in Lucky Charms more than the wheat thingies, I really enjoy a perfectly balanced spoonful of both the most. The cereal is an epic success, in my mind, because of the balance provided by the sweetness of the marshmallows and the healthy earthiness of the very healthy whole grain healthy parts. (OH YES THEY ARE TOO, THOSE PARTS.)

But I still thought this was really funny when I ran across it as a Fail Blog Win:

And second, who knew it was possible to anthropomorphize safety pins? Not I.

And yet there I was, pregnant, hormonal Betty, getting all misty over these two safety pins when I saw them sitting on scissors over at 22 Words. Well done, I say. Well done.

Facebook to the rescue

Ever since Grayson started paying the bills last year, he's been keeping track of our expenses in the most obnoxious detailed way.

He assigns every charge on our credit card to a category, the goal being to keep us within our budgeted amount for each category every month. So once a month, he brings his laptop in and he asks me about all of the "unexplained" charges on the card so that he can assign them to the right category. I always enjoy this special time we spend together as a couple.

NOT.

Over the weekend, as he came to me with his laptop and I did not roll my eyes even a little bit, he had about 12 charges he wanted to discuss constructively.

I was able to parlay all of them into legitimate charges with the exception of one: $37 in March to a woman named Anne Marie Hamilton (last name modified slightly even though this has absolutely no bearing on her whatsoever). I wracked my brain for several minutes to no avail.

Grayson made the point, "You also paid her $37 in August." So in my head, I'm thinking, What's a seasonal expense? What would I buy for the same exact price twice a year? Is is a subscription to something? And why don't I remember her name?

So I Googled her. Nothing. Grayson decided to report the charge as fraudulent, see if anything came of that. Desperate, I went to Facebook. I found a woman with that name, but we had no mutual friends.

BUT. There was a picture.

I said, "She looks REALLY familiar. Hold on. Hold on. Let me think. WAIT! THAT'S MY HAIRDRESSER!"

See, she's only cut my hair twice (seven months apart, obviously), and in any case I would have expected the charges to come across under the salon name (which I DO know). So this totally threw me for a loop.

Internet, I am SO glad we didn't report my hairdresser for fraud.

The ginormous P.S.

So yesterday I told you about our trip to The Best Park Ever. I didn't mention that there was a big P.S. to stick on the end of the story. Here it is.

The only blemish on the day was that about five minutes after we left the park, I had to make an emergency stop at McDonald's to get sick. I looked at my watch as I walked in, because I knew I might be a while but I hoped it would be less than 10 minutes.

When I walked back to the van 23 minutes later, Grayson said he was worried about me and was about to come in and see if I was going to make it. He also said that at about minute 12, Nicholas piped up: "Can't we just leave her?"

Excuse me? I mean, EXCUSE ME? 

That prompted the following blistering speech by moi:

"I am growing a human being FROM SEED. I am basically MAKING A PERSON FROM SCRATCH here. So you will wait for me WHEREVER you need to, as LONG as you need to. GOT IT?"

But other than that, the day was great.

The park that was 'worth the wait'

My friend Walt has been telling me about this park on the outskirts of Birmingham for over a year. And I've kept telling myself, "We really need to go. We REALLY need to go!" But it's not close to us, and I kept putting it off.

Then Lindsay wrote a post about it recently, and my mind was made up.

Last Sunday was the day. We piled in the car and headed East. Thirty-five minutes East, to be exact. Long way for a park. The boys didn't let me forget it, all the way there. LONG WAY FOR A PARK.

But when we drove up, you could hear audible gasps from the peanut gallery. We'd arrived. The view from the van:

The boys couldn't haul themselves up that hill fast enough.

Of course we tried to get Jake to start on one of the smaller slides, but he was having NONE of that. He bounded up the steps to the highest point and slid down, Nathaniel right behind him.

[Oh, and maybe this would be a good time to mention that this is the kind of post my family loves and the rest of you just have to endure. Forty-two pictures, mostly of my kids. Get your scrolling finger ready.]

To the right of the slides is a rock wall. Nathaniel tested it out.

Someone didn't like being left out.

That was all within the first, oh, three minutes we were there. Just the time it took me and Grayson to walk across the pea gravel and find a shaded picnic table.

It was like pulling teeth to pull them away to eat, but we convinced them.

Toward the end of the meal, Jake stood up, pulled his pants down and ripped his diaper off.

"I need a dry dy-puh."

I SERVE AT THE PLEASURE OF THE PRESIDENT.

Then the boys zoomed straight back over to the play equipment, and Grayson and I set up camping chairs under a tree about 20 feet away. Shaded perfection.

Straight in front of us was the big playground, and just to our right was a kiddie area. Jake feigned momentary interest in a few things over there.

Nicholas played along for a few minutes.

The one thing Jake did NOT want to do -- but the other boys did for so long I was afraid they were going to get sick -- was the merry-go-round.

Quite frankly, I can't believe those things are still legal.

After his first few spins on it, Nathaniel came bounding over and shouted, "MOMMY! THIS PARK WAS TOTALLY WORTH THE WAIT!"

I'd been redeemed.

Jake ran over and -- overhearing Nathaniel -- echoed, "Werf da wait! Werf da wait!"

Then the big boys headed back over to the Spinning Circle of Death.

I had to look away as two intrepid dads spun and spun the kids around.

The wheel kept getting more and more crowded as kids were attracted to it because of the loud, constant, ecstatic screams that were generated by it. There are our two, in the red and orange shirts.

Jakey came over for a Gatorade break in Daddy's lap.

He was content to watch the wheel activity from afar. I had to keep looking away for fear I'd vicariously toss my cookies.

After about 20 minutes of spinning, Nicholas cried uncle. He came over, collapsed in a chair and said, "MY HEAD HURTS. I NEED MOTRIN."

No such headache affected Jake, who was off to the slides again.

And when I said it was almost time to go, Nick headed back over to the merry-go-round for a couple of last spins.

Can't keep this one down for long!

On our way back to the car, we decided to head across the bridge for "a few minutes" to see the creek.

I'm sure you all know exactly where this is going.

And there was much pointing. And rejoicing. For we had found water! Running water!

Approximately half a minute later, shoes and socks were off and everyone was in the creek.

Although I repeatedly and mommishly bleated, "Don't fall down! Don't get muddy!" ... you can imagine how well THAT went.

"Mommy. How did diss happen?"

"I don't know how diss happened. I got duh-tee!"

Uh huh. A little bit, yeah.

And when I said it was time to go home for real, there was a mini-meltdown.

Complete with "NO! DON'T TAKE MY PICK-TCHA!"

"I SAY, DO NOT TAKE MY PICK-TCHA!"

And this meltdown lasted until we got all the way back to the van. Pleasant.

And also, for the three of you who are still reading, this is what I see when I look down.

No toes. Just belly. At 13 weeks. #WINNING.

Squash muffins. Alternative title: Why Patrice loves me

Patrice e-mailed me yesterday to say that she'd just found out from a reader that her blog is listed third (THIRD!) on Google if you search for "squash muffins." She ranks just behind the Food Network and AllRecipes.com.

The reason she wanted me to know is that I sent that recipe out to all of our female family members after my sister made them for our Thanksgiving lunch about 10 years ago. My sister has no recollection of this at all; I think that was because she was too busy crowing about some sort of dressing she'd made from a box mix, but I'm here to tell you, these muffins she made from scratch are THE BOMB.

And here is the part where I show you a picture of Patrice's muffins, because I don't feel well enough to make them for you right now:

Now. Hers have green things in them, because she ran out of squash and added zucchini. I have never done that, but she said they were still excellent. She also said that she plans to try replacing some of the sugar with applesauce. To that I say: NO MA'AM, NOT IN THIS HOUSE.

I'm sure that removing some of the sugar or butter would make them healthier, but also might make them taste less like The Food of Angels and more like The Food of Horses, and I'm simply not interested in going there. Because Internet, the first time I ever ate them, it was a Come to Jesus Moment. I can even tell you what I was wearing: a grey turtleneck sweater and black pants. SEARED IN MY MEMORY, that meal is.

So here's the recipe, if you've even made it this far:

Yellow Squash Muffins

2 lbs. yellow squash (about 8 medium or 5 large)
2 eggs, beaten
1 cup melted butter
1 cup sugar
3 cups all purpose flour
1 tbsp and 2 tsp baking powder
1 tsp salt

Preheat oven to 375. Wash squash, trim off ends, cut into slices. Cook in boiling water 15-20 minutes or until tender. Drain WELL and mash. Measure out 2 cups of squash and mix with eggs and butter, set aside.

Combine remaining ingredients in large bowl, add remaining squash and the squash mixture, stir just until evenly moistened. Spoon into greased muffin cups, filling 3/4 full. Bake for 20 minutes or until golden brown on edges (not whole muffin).

This recipe makes 18-24 muffins.

If you have children who won't eat vegetables or say they hate squash, feed them these. Life-changing. Pinky-swear.

Things people say ... vol. 5

1. "Hand me that cack-e-ator." Um, yeah. The "l" isn't silent.

2. "Happy Valentime's Day!" Thank goodness this is literally only one day a year and not a whole season long.

3. I don't even know if I can write this particular affront correctly in a phonetic sense. I'll try: "Let's eat early. I'll meet you at Chick-fil-A at ele'm."  It's pronounced sort of like "ih-LEHM." And they intend it to mean eleven o'clock.

4. Overheard from my desk recently: "I was just fixin' to come over there and assed you." I know she meant "ask," but it sounded like she was going to do something a lot, um, worse.

5. I realize that I just posted an alternative pronunciation for "asterisk" last time, but what can I say? It's an oft-mangled word. Just last week I heard someone say, "Add it right there, by the ass-trick."

I can't wait to have more baby giggles around the house

You know what makes the nausea and vomiting easier to bear? The thought of a beautiful, snuggly baby who has yet to do all the things that the other boys have already done. I can hardly wait to hold our new little one, watch him or her smile at the boys, giggle at their antics, and surprise me with the force of the love I'll feel.

Heather posted this video earlier this week, and OH MY it made me grin. I hope you enjoy it, too. (In case it's not immediately obvious, the mommy is blowing her nose.)

The bumpy road

This may be too much information for some of you, but why stop now? (P.S. I lost a Follower last week and I don't know why. It could be because of the whole TMI thing.)

I've been on prescription meds for acne since I was about 13. That's more than 20 years. You'd think I might not need it anymore, but you'd be wrong.

And I can't take it while I'm pregnant, so right now I look like I fell off the pimple tree and hit every blessed branch on the way down to the ground. Sirrusly. So when I saw this strip on 22 Words, it made me laugh out loud. (It also reminded me of when this happened.)

Baby, you'd better be cute. REALLY cute.

Feels like Spring

We made it down to Railroad Park on Saturday for about three hours.

It was another one of those days we've been enjoying around here lately ... not a cloud in the sky, temperature about 70 degrees.

Someone managed to find something to pout about around lunchtime; I think someone polished off his cookies while he was off playing in the grass. But have you ever seen him pout? Hard to take it seriously.

Nicholas, who's been polishing his skateboarding skills, wanted to do nothing but skate on the homemade ramps across the street.

Up and down, up and down, up and down he went. That kid could do that for hours. And I'm not even exaggerating.

Nathaniel isn't quite as comfortable on the skateboard, so we wised up and took his bike down there this time. He got pretty brave on the ramps with his bike.

He even took a pretty bad spill off the side of a ramp, but despite his skinned elbow and getting the wind knocked out of him, got right back up. I was really proud of him.

Sunday he had baseball practice, and it was another perfectly gorgeous afternoon. I elected to take him, because I'm trying to tell myself that the fresh air will help me feel better.

He started off with a little batting practice in the cage.

Next, they practiced fielding. The sun was shining so brightly that the boys had a hard time catching the pop flies the machine was spitting at them.

They were persistent, trying time after time to catch them.

Poor Nathaniel ... this one came down and smacked him on top of his head. The coach took him into the dugout to dry his tears ... and to tell him what he could have done differently to avoid getting hit in the head.

Within minutes, Nathaniel was back out on the field, ready to catch some grounders.

Finally they moved to home plate to hit pitches off the machine, and then we called it a day.

There are worse ways to spend an afternoon than with your tush parked on a bleacher, the sun at your back and a breeze in your face. I refuse to ruin it by talking about nausea today.