Nov 17, 2011

A clearer view

A few weeks ago, Newark, N.J., mayor Cory Booker Tweeted the following quote from Alex Tan: "Perhaps our eyes need to be washed by our tears once in a while, so that we can see life with a clearer view again."

The experience I had after Amelia was born was a wake-up call of sorts.

Not to the extent that I wake up every morning planning to "live like I was dying," or anything like that.

But in general, I'm trying to take a longer look at the mediocre moments of each day.

Instead of checking e-mail on my phone while Jake runs circles in a cement bowl at Railroad Park, I watch him do it.

Instead of gazing off into the distance, thinking about what to make for supper, I cheer him on and encourage him.

(I'd love to say that the close attention I was paying prevented him from jumping into the bowl and falling on his face, but that's not the case. He took a pretty nasty fall.)

(I can't win 'em all.)

There are still days when I don't stop to smell all the roses.

Heck, there are days when I don't stop to smell ANY of them.

But I'm definitely making more of an effort.

And I think they're noticing ...

At least, I hope they are.

I want them to feel relevant, important -- critical, even -- to my happiness.

I only have six more weeks before I go back to work, and I want to make them count.

If it means watching the boys do something 20 times, or 30 times, or 40 times, I'm going to try to enjoy that.

Although, quite frankly, it's kinda boring to watch Jake play the same level of Toy Story 3 on the Wii for an hour.

If he asks me to, I'm going to try to stay engaged.

They want to feel heard, and seen, and acknowledged.

And it's my job as their mom to make them feel that way.

If not I, then who?

I never want to go through what I went through those two weeks in the hospital again.

But I'm thankful for the clarity I gained.

And I don't plan to lose it.


stollison said...

That's one of the best things you've ever written, hands down. Beautiful.

Wade's World said...

I needed this today. We've been going through some rough stuff and I've found that it's been nice stepping back from the computer and enjoying family time without having a laptop in my lap. A well needed wake up call for me was what it took. Love the post today!

Sewconsult said...

Very beautifully written. Had a discussion yesterday about that I ALWAYS end of a phone call with my daughters by saying, "I love you". They know that it's not just words, that I mean it! And they tell me, often before I tell them. Good to get to this point in my life.
Need to see pics of Amelia.
Hugs to a wonderful lady who I will probably never meet.

Rachel said...

Lovely. And a timely reminder. Nathan's been working almost 80 hr weeks due to lack of help. While we know that it's just a season that we're going through and we're trying to tough it out, it's super hard on the stay at home momma. Most days lately I feel like I'm going out of my mind. Thank you for sharing.

Amanda said...

You are an outstanding mother. Those are the things they remember! I promise

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...