Jul 28, 2011

Uncomfortable truths, vol. 17

1. It may or may not surprise you to hear that I spend an inordinate amount of time trying to get my boys to say "bottom" instead of "butt." It occurs to me that it is a losing battle and my time would be better spent trying to get them not to say things like "ass," which they've heard several times (and reported to me about) on the new show Falling Skies -- which they are watching with Grayson despite my disapproval.

2. I'm probably within one week of no longer being able to fit through our shower door. SHHH. Don't tell Jake. That will only give him more ammunition to comment on my size.

3. Grayson asked me the other day, unsolicited: "So do you think by the time the baby gets here you'll be COMPLETELY grey? Or will there still be a little brown left in your hair?" Because seriously, y'all, it's about time for some covering up of the grey. It's practically the dominant color on my head. And also: It's a good thing I'm not the sensitive type.

4. School registration brings out the worst in me. I say, if you made me register online, then don't have me come in during a four-hour window on a work day to fill out the same damn information all over again on paper. TWICE, BECAUSE I HAVE TWO KIDS THERE. Every single thing on the paper forms, I'd already completed online. And yet. AND YET.  I'm telling you, it makes me hate a school I ordinarily love.

5. Speaking of ... You don't see me using a lot of foul language here, because that's not really how I roll. But when I'm pregnant, boy oh boy is there a lot of it going on in my head most of the time. There are just some times when a good old F-bomb goes off in my head, and I must say, I feel like a total CHAMP for not letting it rip out loud. If your virgin eyes can take it, here's one of my recent uncensored thoughts verbatim. On popcorn in my house: Don't pop that shit in a hot-air popper if you don't plan to clean it up yourdamnself.

I should be embarrassed, I know. But I can't help it. It's the hormones. Back to my regular censored self tomorrow.


Wade's World said...

1. Jackson is always trying to get me to say "bottom" instead of "booty" or "hiney" because that is what his teacher said and apparently she is always right and I'm wrong.
2. I totally dyed my hair twice during pregnancy. My OB didn't care at all when I asked him about it. His only comment was, "What color are you going?"
3. School registration is insane with how much info they want, and I've only done it once!
4. My hormones go nuts during pregnancy and I'm a raging witch with a capital B. You made me LOL with your popcorn popper comment!

Erin said...

I remember the day I couldn't fit into the booth at a Mexican restaurant. I cried. The waiter tried to put down the salsa and back away slowly, but I was practically sobbing into his shirt. Poor man.

I also told my OB that he could take away my hair coloring if he pried it from my cold, dead, prematurely greying fingers. He was fine with me doing it after the 1st trimester.

And the grumpy, foul-mouthed thing? Still got it in spades. I can't blame it on pregnancy anymore, but I can blame it on a low carb diet. Which, you know, sucks ASS. Ahem.

momof4inNY said...

I don't think I've ever commented before, but reading your blog makes me chuckle:) During my pregnancies, I had the WORST foul mouth ever! Gotta be the hormones! You have a beautiful family, I loved your slip-n-slide post too:)

stollison said...

I love cussy Katherine!

trishandwade said...

Totally made me laugh....I can SO relate right now. Just this morning, I thought to myself "where in the world can I go to take a shower for the next 12 weeks, because this is JUST NOT WORKING?!" As for the hair, I finally broke down 2 weeks ago and went to the salon to have my hair colored. When the stylist figured out that I was pregnant, and threatened NOT to color my hair, I quietly warned him that he DID NOT want to see me leave there without my hair colored. It would NOT be pretty, on more than one level. 12 more weeks for me, and baby girl is totally worth it, right?? :)

Sewconsult said...

1.We had to say bottom or as taught by our Jewish neighbors said, "tush". Never butt or any other word. I said the butt word the other day in front of my mother & I thought she was going to say something, but she was recovering from a Southern belle's faint!
2.Had a hair cut yesterday. Hubby said, "so, do you like your haircut?". That was my cue that he didn't like it but I don't either.
3.Hated filling out all the paperwork in the first week of school. And they expected it returned immediately!
4.Pregnancy gives you a pass on lots of things!

jennhenders said...

I think this has got to be one of my most favorite posts EVER! In fact, except for the fact that I am NOT pregnant and therefore cannot use that as an excuse for my cursing, I am with you on all points. It's like you read my mind.

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