May 3, 2011

Slices of Life, Vol. 36

While on the way to baseball practice one evening:

Nicholas: "Hey, if you get caught in a tornado, do you choke?"

Nathaniel: [matter-of-factly]  "Only if you're wearing a cape."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Nicholas was standing over Nathaniel's shoulder, watching Nathaniel play a game on his laptop:

Nathaniel: "Hey, Nick. Close your mouth. Your breath stinks."

Grayson: "You know, Nathaniel, you could have said something a little nicer, like 'Nicholas, why don't you go brush your teeth?' "

Nathaniel: "Mine was more efficient."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

While driving to the ballpark the other night:

Nicholas: "Mommy. Why do we have to go to school for seven hours a day?"

Me: "To learn."

Nicholas: "AND to play. Mommy. Did you know that in the olden days, they only had to go to school for an hour a day?"

Me: "Really? No, I didn't know that. How long ago was that?"

Nathaniel: "Like in the 1800s."

Me: "I wonder why they only had to go for an hour a day."

Nicholas: "Because back then they just, like, counted sticks. That doesn't take that long."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The other night Nicholas was in the bathtub with Jake, and Jake was being particularly splashy:


Jake: "Dis is fahn!"

Nicholas: "Jake! Stop! You're making too many waves! It's like when the salami hit Japan!"

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

While driving home from school recently:

Nathaniel: "Mommy. Can I go to your baby shower? And this is NOT just about the cake. I really want to see a  baby shower."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

A family at the bottom of our street recently adopted a Great Pyrenees that looks a lot like our old dog, Moses. I stopped to point it out to my parents when they were here a few weeks ago.

Nicholas: "Why are we slowing down?"

Me: "I wanted to show Mop and Pop the dog that looks like Mo-Mo. It's the same breed that he was."

Nicholas: "You know what kind of dog Mo-Mo is now?"

Me: "Sure."

Nicholas: "A DEAD ONE."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

While Nicholas was home with strep throat recently:

Nicholas: “George Washington didn’t know his ABCs until he was 25.”

Me: “Really? He couldn’t read or write until he was 25?”

Nicholas: “OF COURSE HE COULD. He just didn’t know the ABC SONG until he was 25.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Nathaniel mentioned a while back that he really wanted to get some Big Red gum sometime. It was just an offhand remark, but I tucked it away and then bought a pack to put in his Easter basket. I guess he'd wanted it a little bit sooner, because when he found it in his basket on Easter, he turned to me and said, "Great job on something from a conversation THREE WEEKS IN THE PAST."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

During the recent spate of tornadoes in our area, we were all glued to the TV watching the coverage.

Nicholas: "We have too many windows in this house."

Me: "We'll be fine. We'll go to the basement when the worst of it comes through."

Nicholas: "We need a heavier house."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Also on Easter, I spent some time napping on the couch, trying to catch up on sleep I'd missed the night before when I was at the hospital with Jake. The boys were watching one of the Star Wars movies, and it was the scene where Anakin and Obi Wan were having a light saber battle in the lava fields. As Anakin had his legs chopped off and then he burned up in front of our eyes:

Me: "OH that is so gross. This is really scary and disgusting."

Nicholas: "Not really."

Me: "I think it's PLENTY gross. I can't believe you love it so much."

Nicholas: "Meh. But Padme DOES cry in this one. I guess that's why it's rated PG-13."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

As we pulled over to the side of the road recently to let an ambulance pass:

Nathaniel: "Nicholas, you have to pull over ANYTIME an ambulance or police car comes by with its lights on."

Nicholas: "I KNOW THAT. It's because they're on the way to help someone."

Nathaniel: "Yeah, mostly. Although sometimes the cops are just going to get a cuppa joe."


Rachel said...

Oh my goodness! I can't breath I'm laughing so hard! They are hilarious. I'm going to be surprised if you don't just laugh that baby right out when it's time. Also, let me know when your shower is cause I have a present in the works for you. :)

Aspiemom said...

These are just hilarious! I love to hear what your kids are saying. You must laugh all of the time!

stollison said...

Nick is totally a genius comedian.

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