Oct 22, 2009

There's more where THIS came from

Now, I'll give you that the contributors over at Ruminations usually start off with a gross generalization such as "The worst feeling in the world is ..." or "Every single time I ...," but they follow it up with such funny stuff that I feel absolutely COMPELLED to share some of them every now and then. Because the absolute worst thing in the world, ever!, would be not to share the funny. Carry on.

- I'm 100% convinced that whenever I'm behind one of those trucks transporting about 18 cars, they're all going to fall on me and I'm going to die. Realistically I doubt this would ever happen, but you can bet your a** I'm switching lanes right now.

- I wish I could copy and paste things onto paper with my eyeballs.

- Yes, I'm pretty sure I turned the oven off before we left, but now that you ask, I'm pretty sure our apartment is definitely burning to the ground right now.

- I really can't wait until the day when I can hum a song into my computer and Google will tell me the name and artist.

- “This person was dumber than we initially thought" should be a valid and legal reason to fire anybody.

- There is no worse feeling than a failed nap.

- Nothing is more excited than turning the radio on and hearing the chorus of your favorite song. And nothing is more disappointing than realizing it's the end of the song.

- The worst feeling in the world is when you are in the middle of a good story and realize no one is listening to you.

- I hate scrolling down through all the U's just to find the United States ... No, I am not from Uganda.

- Can we please just stop the "I can't believe it's the end of the month" conversation already? I don't think I can go another 60 some odd years listening to people constantly getting surprised by time moving forward.

- I can never gauge accurately how much dressing to put on a salad or how much sauce to put on spaghetti. It's kind of ridiculous, actually.

- A multivitamin a day keeps the vegetables away.

- Who decided that every home needs a fake drawer directly below the kitchen sink?

- No, Microsoft Word, my name is not spelled wrong.

- Why is the universal "Save" button logo still a floppy disk? I'm pretty sure they became obsolete about a decade ago.

- What is it about turning a picture black and white that makes people feel artistic?

- Does anyone actually sing in the shower? I’ve tried it. I was alone, yet still mortified by the result. But in the car with the stereo cranked up so I can’t hear myself? I'm hitting every note, and sometimes better than the artist. I just know it.

- I love it when an impatient person tries to pass me, only to find out they totally misjudged the other lane and have to get right back behind me. I wish a sign would pop up on my back window and say, "Hi, you look awfully familiar..."


Dianne Avery said...

I have that fear of cars falling on me too!! I KNEW it was an unrealistic fear my whole life but I still had it. Well.....last year, it happened here in Los Angeles and some poor lady died. So now that my "silly" fear has been realized I'm ruined. :-)

Rachel said...

You are too funny. I snort every time I read these lists you post. And I agree, that should be a valid and legal reason for firing people! Thanks for the laugh.

Wade's World said...

I'm dying laughing over here and I'm pretty sure my coworkers now know that I'm not actually working right now!

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