Apr 7, 2008

Slices of Life, Vol. 21

While Nicholas was pottying recently:

Nicholas: "Daddy, my penis is getting REALLY BIGGER now. Soon it will be as big as yours."

Grayson: [pause] "Yeeeeesssss."

Nicholas: "Mommy doesn't have a penis. Somebody cut hers off."


Nicholas: "Mommy, I want Yucky Chomms for supper."

Me: "Well, you can't have Lucky Charms, because I already made sandwiches and fruit salad."

Nicholas: "But I don't WANT a sandwich. I WANT YUCKY CHOMMS."

Me: "Well, you can have them in the morning. Tonight it's a sandwich and fruit."

Nicholas: "I am NOT wearing my HAPPY FACE."


The boys are now sharing Nathaniel's bed, in preparation for Jake's arrival, and I've been hearing a lot of interesting conversations as they chat in that last half hour before they fall asleep. Recently I overheard lots of low conversation, then Nathaniel getting more and more riled up:

Nicholas: [unintelligible]

Nathaniel: "I know. I heard you. Now stop telling me about it."

Nicholas: [unintelligible]

Nathaniel: "I KNOW. I heard you the last time you told me. I want to talk about something ELSE now!"

Nicholas: [said the same thing more loudly but it was still unintelligible to me]

Nathaniel: [yelling] "NICK-A-LISS! STOP TELLING ME THAT!!"

At this point, I decide to intervene and walk into the room.

Me: "Nathaniel, why are you yelling at your brother?"

Nathaniel: "Well, he was telling me the SAME THING over and over and over again and I kept telling him to stop and he kept doing it anyway and I was SO tired of it. Mommy, IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T HAVE ANY EARS."

Me: [wryly] "I know EXACTLY what you mean."


When the kids are in my car, they get contemporary Christian and clean country music, and that's about it. Grayson, whose tastes are more, shall we say, "varied" than mine, exposes them to quite a variety of music genres. I long ago gave up on asking that they not listen to rap, and now I simply request that he change the channel if the song contains profanity or explicit sexual content. Last weekend I walked in the den and ALL THREE OF THEM were singing ALL THE LYRICS to "Paralyzer" by Finger Eleven:

"I want to make you move
Because you’re standing still
If your body matches
What your eyes can do
You’ll probably move right through
Me on my way to you."

It also contains the word "shitty," but I walked in too late to hear if they sang that part. Two days later, when the kids had gone to bed:

Me: "You know 'Paralyzer' has 'shitty' in it."

Grayson: "Yeah, but I always cough over it, so I don't think they've ever heard it."


At lunch after church last Sunday, we sat outside because it was such a beautiful day. As usual, the boys lost interest in their meal fairly quickly, and they asked to play behind our table near the fountains.

They were in full view of us, but we were still eating, so we just glanced over every minute or so. At one point, I noticed some people around us smiling and looking toward the boys, and I turned around to see why. There was Nicholas, pants and underwear down, peeing in the bushes ...right in front of everyone eating their Sunday lunches. I pushed back my chair and dashed over to pull his pants up.

Me: "Nicholas, what are you DOING?"

Nicholas: "Peeing in de gwass."

Me: "But why? I would have taken you to the bathroom inside if you'd asked."

Nicholas: "Dat baffroom is too fah away. De gwass is Right Here."


Nathaniel wanted to go outside last Saturday afternoon, but he was in the kitchen having a snack with only his underwear on. I asked him to run upstairs and put on some clothes and shoes so he wouldn't be chilly.

He went upstairs and came back down with only a shirt, underwear and Crocs on:

Me: "Hey, I think you're going to be chilly."

Nathaniel: "Nope, I'll be fine. It's not that cold out there. But one of those new shirts you got me? It didn't fit. It wouldn't go over my head."

Me: "Did you unbutton the buttons?"

Nathaniel: "No."

Me: "OK, it probably fits, but you have to unbutton it to get it over your head. Which shirt was it?"

Nathaniel: "When you go up there, and you see one that's messed up? That's it."


About a month ago, Nathaniel drew a beach scene at school of which he was very proud. He asked me to keep it "forevah" by my bed. So it sat for several weeks on my bedside table, and every few days he'd ask me if I still liked it. Last week, I think our maid finally threw it away. Then, yesterday:


Me: "Uh, I'm not sure. Is it not on my bedside table?"

Nathaniel: "NO! I looked, and it's NOT THERE. Do you think Joyce threw it away?

Me: "That's very possible, Buddy. She might have accidentally sprayed it with furniture polish or something, and not knowing how very important it was, she might have thrown it away."

Nathaniel: [thoughtful pause] "OK, here's what we'll do: On Monday I'll draw an even BETTAH drawing of the beach, with lava, and firefighters putting out the lava fire with hoses. Then before Joyce comes on Wednesday, you can put it in an envelope and write in big letters: 'Joyce, DO NOT THROW THIS AWAY. MY MOMMY LOVES IT VERY MUCH.'"

To see past Slices of Life, click here.

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