Dec 12, 2012

She REALLY must not like him. Like, seriously.

My Christmas cards have arrived, but it may well take me all the way up until Christmas Day to get them addressed. One thing I DO know, though, is that our names are signed to them as a family unit. As in, six of us live in our house, and there are six names on our card.

Including Grayson's.

I mention this because this week I read what has got to be one of the oddest letters to Dear Abby that I've ever read in all the years I've been reading her column (which is to say, most of my life):

DEAR ABBY: I am sending out our annual Christmas cards. I do not want to include my husband's name on them this year. We haven't spoken to each other in two years. We still occupy the same house -- but thank God it's large so we don't have to see each other often. We have a son away at college. Please tell me it is OK. -- MARRIED AND NOT, ALBANY, N.Y.

DEAR MARRIED AND NOT: If you follow your impulse and omit your husband's name from the cards, it will be like announcing that he is dead or that you have separated. While I sympathize with you, do not omit his name unless you are prepared to answer the questions that will surely follow. If you're ready to "make an announcement," then do as you wish.

I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS ABOUT THIS SITUATION. How can you live in a large house but still not see your spouse? Do you have separate wings and entrances? How can you not have spoken in two years? You don't have to ask questions about expenses around tax time? You don't talk about your college-age child when report cards or summer plans roll around?

You don't socialize together? If not, then no one should be surprised if you send a card without your "husband's" name on it. And if you do, then clearly you're lying about the not speaking to each other in two years thing. 

I mean, HONESTLY. I could just smack Abby for not asking for MUCH MORE INFORMATION before publishing this letter. Because I don't know how I'm going to be able to sleep tonight without knowing a good bit more about Married and Not in Albany, N.Y.

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