1. When I'm away from Twitter and Instagram for several hours, when I check back in, I can't just jump into my timeline and move forward. I have this compulsive need to load the Tweets and images going all the way back to the last new one I saw, then scroll up from there. And in the immortal words of Sweet Brown, "AIN'T NOBODY GOT TIME FO' DAT."
2. When we stopped at Outback to have supper on the way home from the beach, I walked Jake to the restroom, where I was also going to rinse out Amelia's bottle. (You might think the fact that I was going to rinse Amelia's bottle out in a public restroom is the Uncomfortable Truth. Nope.) What got to me was that I felt like people were judging me as I walked through the restaurant with a bottle and 4-year-old. Like they thought the bottle was for JAKE. Mind you, it's likely that zero percent of the people were thinking that. But I was sure that 98 percent of them were.
3. Speaking of bathrooms, BUDDY ROBERTS, I get completely freaked out when I see girls wearing flipflops in public restrooms. I mean, if it were up to ME, I would wear freaking WELLINGTONS in public restrooms. So when I see someone with flipflops on, I can't stop thinking about all the pee and stuff that might get between their toes or run up on their heels from the floor. GROSS.
4. When I open a can of crescent rolls, I flinch when it pops
open. I literally hold the can as far away from my body as my arms will
stretch, I close my eyes and press on the seams. And even with all that “preparation,”
I still flinch when it gives way.
5. I just misspelled a word (“recycling”) on my
Post-It Note to-do list for the week. I erased it and rewrote it, but that was
no good. Had to trash it and start over. BUT WE ALL DO THAT, RIGHT?
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