Slices of Life, Vol. 40

Amelia was having a fussy evening recently, sort of squawking in her bouncy seat while I was making supper. Nick walked by her, threw a glance her way and said, "DROP THE ACT, AMELIA."

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Jake is very, very emotionally invested in Amelia's wardrobe. He and Nick both like to help me pick out what she wears each day. One might say they require "wardrobe approval," and they take it very seriously. They love it when Ms. Faye, one of Amelia's teachers, compliments what she's wearing. When I bought clothes for Amelia recently, I had them on hangers, sitting in her room.

Jake: "What are these? New clothes for Uh-mill-ee-yah?"

Me: "Yes, I'm getting ready to take the tags off and put them in her drawers."

Jake: [picks a dress up, holds it up to the side and exclaims] "Oooooh, Ms. Faye is gonna LOOOOOOOOOOOOVE this!"

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The other night I walked in the house, loaded down with my workout bag, laptop bag, purse and a  pair of pants Amelia had pooped on in a plastic bag they'd given me at daycare. I'd just gone for a jog, then picked Nathaniel and Nick up at school. They walked ahead of me, into the kitchen.

Me: [wrinkling my nose] "What's that smell? Yuck."

Nick: "It's you."

Me: "Oh, wait. I just remembered, I'm carrying these poopy pants. That must be what I smell."

Nick: "Nope, I'm pretty sure it's you. You STINK."

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Nathaniel: “The other night I found myself singing out loud while I was listening to my iPod Touch, and I wasn’t even conscious that I was doing it.”

Grayson: “What was a complicated sentence and a pretty big word.”

Nathaniel: “What word? ‘Conscious’?”

Grayson: “Yes.”

Nathaniel: “Eh, not really. ‘Subconscious’ is a bigger word.”

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One Friday, Nick and Nathaniel each had a friend over to spend the night. They’d spent a lot of time playing outside, but at some point Nick wanted to come in and take a break, so he and his friend Owen were lying on the couch watching TV.

Owen: [restlessly]  “C’mon, Nick … I want to go jump on the trampoline again.”

Nicholas: “Well, I’m tired. I want to finish this show.”

Owen: “NICK. I didn’t come over here to watch TV.”

Nicholas: “Well then, what DID you come over here for?”

Nick … THE HOST WITH THE MOST.

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A couple of weeks ago we were tackling the weekly task of sorting the boys’ clothes from their hampers into piles to be washed. They are notorious for trying to avoid this task, but Nick and Nathaniel were helping me.

 Me: “Jake? Come help us sort clothes, please! Time to do the laundry.”

Jake:  [comes out of his bedroom with a finger to his temple]  “I have a headache. I need to lie down. I can’t hep wight now.”

Me:  [sigh]  “Okay, go lie down in your bed.”

[10 minutes later, the big boys and I have finished and are downstairs in the den. Jake comes running in and jumps on the couch.]

Me: “Well. You must be feeling better.”

Jake: “Yeah, it doesn’t hut anymoah!"

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Nick recently went on a field trip with his class, and as part of the field trip they picnicked at a local park by the lake.

Nicholas: "MOMMY. There was a guy there who was FISHING!"

Me: "Oh, really? That sounds like fun."

Nicholas: "There were all these animals there. It was SO COOL. I want to go back there and go fishing, and turtling. And goosing."

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The other night, Nathaniel was scared to go upstairs and shower alone, because he'd read some books about ghosts that day at school and was petrified. After a few minutes of discussion, during which I wast trying to feed Amelia and do nine other things:

Nathaniel: "Mommy, I don't wanna go upstairs alone."

Me: "Buddy. I'm here with you. I'm in the house. There are no ghosts here, and you are going to be fine. Go. Up. Stairs."

Nathaniel: "No. I'm scared."

Me: "Jake, will you go upstairs with Nathaniel and sit with him while he takes a shower?"

Jake: "Sure."  [heads upstairs with sippy cup in hand]

[I hear the shower water start, and a minute later Jake's back downstairs. Followed by Nathaniel.]

Me: "Wait. Why are you both back down here?"

Jake: "I was bored. I din wanna stay up dare."

Nathaniel: "Jake came back down here. And I'm still scared."

Me: "Well, it's ridiculous that your 4-year-old brother would need to be up there with you anyway. HE'S not scared to go up there alone."

Nathaniel: "Well, HE didn't read the BOOKS!"

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A complete non-sequitur by Nick the other day on the way to school:

Nicholas: “Mommy, I know a nicer way to say ‘evict.’ “

Me: “How?”

Nicholas: “I’m giving you the opportunity to find a place to live that’s not here.”

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Nicholas: "Mommy. I came up with a great name for the Chick-fil-A cow."

Me: "What name?"

Nicholas: "Phil."

Me: "Well, yeah. Phil's a good name."

Nicholas: "It's a GREAT name. 'Cause it sounds like the middle of Chick-FIL-A!"

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When we finished the 5K last month month, I was asking the boys about the experience:

Me: "So you guys left me in your dust. Completely. Did you run together the whole time?"

Nathaniel: "Nah. I dropped Nick at mile 2."

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When we pulled into the driveway after the 5K, Nathaniel's classmate Juniper (also our neighbor) was waiting for us on the front porch.

Me: "Oh! Hey, Nathaniel, Juniper's here."

Nicholas: "Why's she here?"

Me: "Well, I imagine she wants to play."

Nathaniel: "No, she's here on business."

Me: "What?"

Nathaniel: "You know, that book we're writing."