Mar 12, 2012

Uncomfortable truths, vol. 25

  1. When I see a woman walking toward me, adorned with chunky jewelry and flashy clothes, I hold my breath as she passes me because I assume she's wearing lots of perfume. (Migraines.) But DARN YOU, you minimalist dressers who surprise me with your Ann Taylor Loft tank top and heavy perfume!
  2. My side-view mirror adjustment button must be set to “center” at all times. If it gets pushed over to the left or right when I'm not actively using it, I might have heart palpitations.
  3. At The Place Where I Work, they got rid of my Google toolbar and defaulted me to Bing, of all things. So now when I want to search for something, I type "Google" in the Bing toolbar.
  4. I do not understand Occupy Wall Street. Or how to double 2/3 of a cup of something for a recipe. Or why Mr. Bates is being framed for the murder of his estranged wife.
  5. I recently spilled water on myself at work three times within one hour at work. Lots of it. All out of the same cup, onto the same shirt.
  6. I enjoyed The Bachelor: Women Tell All last week more than any one person has a right to.
  7. Related: I wanted to shake all the women who kept asking Ben, “Why did you send me home, wah, wah, wah?” Do they not realize that’s the entire point of the show? It’s titled The Bachelor, not The Polygamist. HE ONLY CHOOSES ONE OF YOU.
  8. Related: If Ben chooses Courtney tonight, I will die. I'm never watching again. Until next season.
  9. I play this ridiculous game with myself in which I reach into the Wheat Thin box and try to grab EXACTLY 16 crackers on the first try. Sixteen crackers is one serving, and do you want to know what's really freaky? I do it about 80 percent of the time. #winning
  10. People at work are going to think I'm a "cutter," just because I need to clip Scout's claws.


Shelby Baker said...

These are all hilariously true in so many cases. #2 is my favorite, only because people make fun of me SO bad for that one. I thought I was alone. Has to be OCD!

ginmommy said...

There is help out there for cutters such as yourself. Not blaming your pet is the first step....

Jamie said...

I would have hacked that system. Are you forced to use Internet Explorer as your browser? Communists.

Courtney is evil incarnate. But so is Ben. Me thinks they deserve each other.

27 Cheez-its is a serving. I get one at a time to make it last as long as possible.

Rachel said...

You're hilarious! And just take kitty to the vet for that. :)

Angie said...

Your so funny!
I totally type Google into Bing too! I love Google :)
Have a great week!!

cnorris said...

My very young boss wears cotton candy smelling "perfume". It makes me so sick to my stomach and it is so hard to get away from in a small office.

Rachel said...

I love these. LOVE THEM. They make me feel almost normal.

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