Oct 21, 2011

Part 5: The light at the end of the tunnel

If you missed them, you can read Part 1 here, Part 2 here, Part 3 here and Part 4 here.

I know you guys likely feel like this story has no end in sight. That I'm going to keep writing about it until you die of boredom. But, GOOD NEWS! This is the last installment. And while it hasn't been pleasant for me to re-tell it, it's been really important to my friends and family. Since I didn't answer my phone the entire time I was in the hospital, only a few of them know the story ... and most of THEM only know bits and pieces of it, mostly what they were able to get from texts from Lisa.

So thanks for being patient and indulging us all as I've written it out. Now, ONWARD, to hear more about Our Very Favorite Subject, my hemorrhoids.

For whatever reason, on Wednesday they came back with a vengeance. And when I say "with a vengeance," I mean they were the worst they've ever been, and I had to lie 100 percent still and not talk, laugh, cough or move my body one iota in any way or I would cry. My bottomparts were seizing up at random times, and the pain was so unbearable I begged and begged for the nurse to call the surgeon. Lisa was back, and she tried to help me make my case.

I can't remember how many times I asked for the nurse to call him, but ultimately I said, "Forget the surgeon. CALL ANESTHESIOLOGY AND GET ME AN EPIDURAL." I suppose I wore her down, although she still apparently didn't believe me about how intense the pain was, because after a few hours of begging, she came in with another nurse.

"Before we bother the surgeon with this, we're just gonna take a look and see what we see. Roll over and pull your legs up."

So I did. And then she said, "MY, THAT IS IMPRESSIVE. We're going to call the surgeon now. He might come to the room instead of you having to go over to his office."

"WELL THANK YOU VERY MUCH," said my hemmies.

The surgeon DID INDEED come to my room and lance the hemorrhoids, but he only gave me two shots of local anesthetic instead of the eight to 10 that he'd given me in his office. So when he lanced them, I felt every. single. cut. And when he drained them, I felt every. single. squeeze. I was holding onto the bedrails and sobbing. It wasn't pretty.

And then he left me, just like that. I had Lortab and Demerol, but they didn't touch the pain. Lisa spent the night with me, but even my elephant-tranq-level sleep meds couldn't overcome the pain and force me to sleep. I sobbed until I literally ran out of tears. It was a truly miserable night.

But come Thursday, six days after I'd been readmitted, the pain had subsided from, OH, A 15 TO A MERE 10, and Grayson came to check me out.

I wasn't feeling mental anymore, I had some sleep medication that the psychiatrist was willing to keep tweaking until we settled on the perfect combo, and I DESPERATELY wanted to be with my kids. I missed them so much it hurt. I hated missing moments like Nicholas' 7th birthday (but his teacher was kind enough to text me a picture):

And moments like this:

I will say (since I'm sure some are wondering) that although I had a post-partum BP event and substantial sleep interruption, I never once felt traditional post-partum depression. I never wanted to harm myself or my kids, and as a matter of fact, I wanted to be with them more than ever. I just wasn't capable of it until Thursday.

Now that I've been home for just over a week, I'm still working with my doctors on the right combination of sleep meds. My BP is fairly well-managed, but sleep is still proving a challenge. I can't support Grayson by getting up with Amelia at night, because the meds don't allow me to wake up in the middle of the night. As a matter of fact, right now they're keeping me asleep for 12 hours, which would be great -- if we didn't have a newborn to care for.

And speaking of Grayson, he had complete responsibility for all four kids while I was in the hospital the second time around, and he did a GREAT job. He was a real hero and kept things as normal as possible for them while I wasn't able to be at home.

I feel so grateful that I had the love and support of my friends and family as I navigated this entirely new territory, and I'm happy to be home participating in all the precious moments I felt like I was missing in the hospital.

"Blessed" doesn't even begin to describe it.


Martha said...

Okay ... is it just me (because I feel so badly that you went through this) or did it seem like you weren't getting the best of care at this hospital!?! When a new mother is having severe hemeroid pain, why wouldn't the nurses call a doctor INSTANTLY! What was the wait about? The few times I've been to the hospital it seems like pain management is their number one priority - as it should be! You poor, poor woman! I can't imagine what you went through. It was so traumatic! Be sure to take care of yourself - even know that you are home. Watch for signs of post-partem but also watch for signs of PTS. These kinds of things have a habit of sneaking up on you. It sounds like you are doing marvelously though - keep getting sleep. In a year from now, this will all be a distant memory!

Pati @ A Crafty Escape said...

Oh dear... I have been away for a while and just read all five installments and I feel horrible for you! I'm glad you are home now with your beautiful family. You are very lucky to have the family and support you have!

Jenny said...

Wow-I cannot even imagine. So glad you are okay and at home with your sweet wee ones!

Rachel said...

I'm so thankful you had friends and family there to make your case. And SO GLAD you're back home with your sweet family. I think you need a gold medal for going through all that and Grayson needs one for doing so well at home.
Oh...and a spoon ASAP...cause Amelia is such a darling!

Meredith said...

I'm so glad you are feeling better. What a horrible experience! Your daughter is gorgeous, just like the rest of your family. So happy you are home and getting settle.

Sewconsult said...

I guess medical staff are trained to be skeptical of those who want pain meds for the sake of a "high", but you have to wonder if they have ever been in pain themselves. So glad that you are better and Grayson is able to take on the big roll of Super Dad. (I know my hubby wouldn't have been able to do it!)

Love the picture of Amelia propped up on the white.
Gentle hugs.

tarheelmom said...

Oh my goodness. I sat here reading with my hand over my mouth and near tears for you. That is just too much! And with a brand new baby away from you for so long! Sheer torture! Glad you are on the road to recovery!

Jami said...

I don't even know where to begin. The only way to sit through this was knowing you are OKAY now! I can't even begin to imagine going throuh this. It's in times of need we really do see how blessed we are, what an amazing family and support system you have and let's go ahead and nominate Grayson for husband of the year, decade for that matter.
Amelia is a darling!!!! The picture of her and Jake is too sweet. I will continue to pray for you and hope you are 100% soon.

LisaL said...

Oh my! I can't even imagine all the pain you were in!! Why didn't the surgeon give you enough numbing medication to help the pain? I didn't realize hemmies could be drained. Did he do something so they will go away? rubber banding, etc? Sure hope you are back on your feet soon! (I just ended up in the hospital for 3 days - not for my hemmies, but for a bowel obstruction. Such fun!!) Thanks for sharing your story with us. And thanks for your emails! Was nice to have someone to talk to about the dready hemmies!! Lisa (Nokepo)

Leslie said...

So glad to know we can share butt-hole stories now!

Rachel said...

Oh my GOODNESS. I just read all five parts at once, and you. poor. thing. I thought my birth experience and complications were bad - this is awful!

And I'm shocked and amazed that you came to the Alabama Bloggers meet-up right after all of this - you crazy woman!!

Wow. I am so glad that everything is okay now - but did you ever get a reason for the headaches and blood pressure problems?

Sewconsult said...

Saw the pic from the tweets. Have you considered a football helmet for her?


Holy smokes...I am in pain just thinking about what you went through....Girl...I am the BIGGEST chicken in the world when it comes to pain. No lie. You are brave.

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