Jun 15, 2011

Uncomfortable truths, vol. 15

1.  Three days ago, a girl with long brown hair driving a blue Jeep Liberty failed to use her blinker when approaching a right turn, causing me to miss the last-second left turn onto the Interstate on my way to work. I had to wait an extra two minutes at the light because of her. I’m not over it. Clearly. Not by a long shot.

2. Between 6 p.m. and 6 a.m. one day last week, I left myself six voice messages at work reminding me to do things (text William about mowing the lawn, check on my FMLA paperwork status, refill a prescription, write a thank-you note, etc.) When I arrived at work the next morning, I only remembered one of the things I’d left myself a message about. (I know I’ve written about this before. I just feel that you need to know that it’s literally an everyday uncomfortable truth.)

3. Last Tuesday night Jake was eating mixed nuts in the den. He tipped the can over and all of its contents spilled straight onto the carpet. After he "cleaned it up," it looked like this:


Guess what. It looked exactly like that until Saturday morning, when I finally took the time to clean the rest of it up. (My very VERY neat-and-clean friend Lisa just departed from my life, leaving only a puff of smoke where she once stood.)

4. When I am pregnant, I will wait until I am in agonizing pain before I will get up to pee. I have to go so often that I put it off as long as I can between trips to the bathroom. But still. To wait until I have to hobble to the toilet, knees pressed together, feeling like I'm going to pass out? If someone can explain to me why I do this, I'd be eternally grateful. (Mom, there is no reason to e-mail me and tell me I'm going to give myself a UTI. Thanks!)

5. Standing at the stove the other night, I was shifting the broccoli in the steamer when a piece fell on the floor. I threw it away. The following night, I was standing at the island eating some Pringles when one fell on the floor. I picked it up and ate it. Apparently I have some kind of No Pringle Left Behind Law that does not extend to vegetables.

13 comments:

stollison said...

Awesome!

Rachel said...

Ugh. See I do the same thing with holding it and not going to the bathroom. And the other things...well, we all have our quirks!

Aspiemom said...

Very fun post! Thanks for the laugh!

Wade's World said...

Loved the "no pringle left behind" comment. So true!!!

ginmommy said...

HA HA! No pringle left behind, too funny. You are a hoot!

Sewconsult said...

1. I have run too many yellow/red lights this week, already.
2. I realized this afternoon that I never finished paying the bills. UGH!
3. Agree...toss the contaminated broccoli, but SAVE THE CHIP!
Beckie

kay said...

I don't even remember how I found your blog, but am I ever glad I did!!! Your sense of humor is like mine and you are too funny. I have read your archive posts and today I came across this gem, "Hellman's Mayonnaise is God's condiment". You and I must be soul sisters! Love your blog and I can't wait to read it every day!

Lisa said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Lisa said...

At my house Gates would have cleaned up those nuts for me. I'll stick around a little longer since you don't have canine vacuum cleaner and are probably having a hard time bending over since you are growing a child and stuff.

Martha said...

When did you fly up north and get such a great picture of my family rug? ha ha! crumbs stay on our floor for ages... and shoes are left where they were removed and wet towels lie all over the bathroom floor. I would like to be a neater person, but I think I'm missing that gene!

myvegaslife said...

The waiting to pee untiil it hurts beyond words? I do that too now! It's gotta be a pregnancy thing. Otherwise I am peeing every 5 minutes and it's just time consuming.
I also now have to write lists for evey little thing because I can't remember anything on my own. I even forget who I was calling after I grab my phone.
The food thing, sorry I can't relate. Even if something lands on my counter I trash it, it's mental...

Green Door Girl said...

agh.. .the nuts!!! I want to come clean them up for you! :) LOL
pringle = mouth - 100% ;)

Green Door Girl said...

agh.. .the nuts!!! I want to come clean them up for you! :) LOL
pringle = mouth - 100% ;)

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