Oct 12, 2010

Uncomfortable truths, vol. 3

1. I've very recently become a total weirdo about shaving my legs. My whole life -- dating, engaged, married -- I've always felt like a couple of times a week or -- at most -- every other day, was sufficient. All of a sudden, I can't STAND myself if I go a day without shaving them. That's backwards, right? I've been married for 15 years and NOW I care if I have smooth legs? I have no explanation for this.

2. I have a list of Daily Blogs and a list of Weekly Blogs. There are 45 blogs on the Daily list and 63 on the Weekly list. My blog metrics tell me that the average person spends one minute and 53 seconds here every day. I'm a fast reader, so it doesn't take me that long to read an average post on a blog, but I probably spend a minute and a half on each one every day. That means a little over an hour each night is devoted to reading other people's blogs. I'm sure those numbers put me squarely in the corner of "TOO MANY" for lots of you out there. For me, it's just a pleasure. It's the flip side of giving other people something to read; for that hour or a little more each night after the kids go to bed, I get to catch up on what everyone else is doing.

3. The change of seasons can be sudden around here and can revert just as quickly for another few weeks. We keep the kids' out-of-season clothes in big Rubbermaids in our attic, so they're pretty hard to get to on a moment's notice. Invariably, I have to run into Target to get Jakey a couple of pairs of pants at the beginning of Fall just to get us through that first cold snap, because I'm too lazy to pull down the attic stairs, go up there and find the right Rubbermaid. I know it's kind of an unnecessary expense (although I won't call it a waste of money), but each of the last three Falls I've done this.

4. I have a terrible memory. I mean, I can rattle off things like Brad and Angie's kids in birth order MaddoxPaxZaharaShilohKnoxandVivienne, and I can remind you that Friends aired from 1994 to 2004. I cannot, however, list six current members of Congress or tell you the years Carter served as president of the United States. I am bothered by this phenomenon. And yet I am powerless to do anything about it.

5. When we make plans to go to a party at a friend's house and pay a babysitter to stay with the kids, if the party starts at 7:00, you can count on us to ring your doorbell between 6:57 and 6:59. Fashionably late? NOT US. (As a matter of fact, we'd prefer that your party start around 2:00 in the afternoon and go straight through 'til midnight.) If we're running REALLY early, we'll stop and top off our gas tank so as not to arrive while you're still in the shower, but if you're hoping your guests will give you a few extra minutes to pull things together, you'd best not be inviting us. Because we aren't Those People.

6. Nicholas smells his fingers a lot. When I ask him why he's smelling his fingers, he answers, "I dunno."  It makes me feel like he's done something terrible with them and is checking them out to see if there's a trail of evidence, but I can't prove that's what he's doing. So until I can catch him doing something nasty, I can't do anything about it. Right? Puh-leeze don't suggest that I smell them myself. THE THOUGHT MAKES ME GAG.

7. On Saturday the boys spent a good amount of time in the sandbox. They got so dirty, in fact, that a bath was mandatory when they came back inside. Mandatory. This is what the tub looked like when we drained it afterward:

You have my permission to throw up.


RLR said...

Oh, my, the giggles! I can relate to quite a few of these!

Chris D. Hilton said...

It's called hose them off outside, make it part of the game and save the throwing up for smelling fingers. Unfortunately, I inspect some homes, especially student housing, where the tubs and showers look just like that. Believe it or not some of the girls rooms are worse than the boys. I could make a wig with the hair I see in some bathrooms. Come go with me next time.

René said...

You hit the nail on the head with a few of these for me. Great post that kept me snickering.


paige said...

I can name the twelve cranial nerves in no particular order. They did this test of mnemonic devices on us when I was about six. Or nine. Young. It worked.

Katherine @ Grass Stains said...

Chris, I don't even want to KNOW what you see as a home inspector! I bet you've seen some things that would take the cake.

Paige, I have no doubt you can do what you claim. You have some strange talents. ;)

Rachel said...

That's what our tub looks like after a trip to the beach. And we always think we do a good job getting the sand off them at the beach.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...