Aug 19, 2010

Because if I don't let you inside my head, how else will you know how normal you are?

Sometime last month my sister Tweeted "I think of myself as not eating red meat, but I eat roast beef. Why is that? Just because it's thin-sliced, it changes animals in my head?" And that reminded me of myself a little bit, because I simply CANNOT eat meat that is shaped like the animal from whence it came. 

No: chicken wings, fish, turkey legs

Yes: chicken tenders, hamburgers, turkey sandwiches


I wish there was a way around the whole "last quarter-inch of peanut butter or mayo" thing. I cannot STAND scraping the last bit out of a PB or mayo jar ... I'd much rather just toss it and start with a new jar, but I can't. I go so far as to get out a rubber spatula and scrape it out. But that swipe that always gets on my second, third and fourth knuckles during the process? That swipe can just bite me.


As we were leaving the beach last month, a fly got trapped in our van while we were loading the luggage. I tried about 25 times during the AMPLE 13-hour drive home to shoo him out the window, to no avail. He drove me absolutely BONKERS the entire trip. Ultimately I gave up and figured he'd get his: he'd either die a lonely death in the van OR hop out into the 103-degree Alabama air. No matter what, I WON. (Also, don't you love how my fly was a man?) But I keep wondering what he thought when he finally got out ... "What the he**?!"


When I have a hangnail or a papercut or a blister, for some reason I have to keep "testing" it. This compulsion is even worse when I have an invisible bruise. Quarter-sized spot on the top of my thigh isn't discolored but is inexplicable painful? Poke it. Poke it again. Still sore. Wait 10 minutes and poke it again. Still sore. Five hours later, just before bed, poke it again. YEP, STILL SORE.


It is soooooo hard to get the air vents in the car to blow in EXACTLY the right places for optimal comfort. How is it possible that it's simultaneously turning my hands into ice cubes, my contacts are drying out, and icy air is shooting up my shirtsleeve, but my legs are still sweating? It's like when you get someone to scratch your back, and they're off by a millimeter. So close, and yet SO WRONG.


Rachel said...

The air conditioning thing-amen. And the rest...well, I'm a lot like you so what does that make me? abnormal? Or, maybe we're normal and everyone else is a lunatic. :)

RLR said...

Ah, the invisible bruise. I also get the colored ones that don't hurt, and I poke them, too. Why (why?!?) must I bruise if there's no pain to make it a "real" bruise?

Sewconsult said...

I don't eat fish unless it is smothered in tartar sauce or malted vinegar. No dark meat from chicken or turkey.
Amen to the air conditioning.

I think God tests us with all these small things so that we won't be so annoyed with our husbands. After 38 yrs, he can still annoy the he** out of me, but I have just become more tolerant...most of the time.

Laura said...

Oh how you speak the truth! I've been poking a "bruise" on my arm for a couple days now! And I hate how peanut butter gets all over my fingers and the knife!

Katherine @ Grass Stains said...


Ryan Leigh and Laura, Yes! I knew I wasn't the only one.

Beckie, I can honestly say I've never had tartar sauce or malted vinegar. I'll have to take your word for it that they improve the taste of fish!

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