Slices of Life, Vol. 22

While loading the boys into the minivan, I notice that there are purple juice stains on the carpet in the van.

Me: "Oh, no! There are juice stains on the carpet! How did that happen??"

Nathaniel and Nicholas: [in unison] "I don't know."

Me: "Who did this?"

Nicholas: "I don't know."

Me: "Well, the stains are right here in front of YOUR seat."

Nathaniel: "Well, THAT'S a clue."

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Hopping quickly into the bathtub recently:

Nicholas: "This water is TOO HOT! It's going to burn my penis off!"

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Lately while in the car we've been watching "Mary Poppins."

Nicholas: "Can we watch 'Perry Moppins' now?"

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I love the way Nathaniel pronounces certain things. Lately, I've heard:

"I want to wear my red-striped shate today." ("I want to wear my red-striped shirt today.")

"His hair looks like yours. It's black and kaylee." ("It's black and curly.")

"I see a croach! I see TWO CROACHES!!" ("I see a roach! I see TWO ROACHES!!")

"I've nevay been bitten by a bumblebee, but I've hade that it hates!" ("I've never been bitten by a bumblebee, but I've heard that it hurts!")

"I think Jake needs to bape." ("I think Jake needs to burp.")

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At the soccer cookout, some of the kids took several of our toys outside to play with, one of which was the pirate gun that Nicholas received in his Easter basket. Early in the evening, Nick came back inside, angry, and held it out to Grayson:

Nicholas: "Daddy, one of THOSE BOYS bwoke my piwate gun!"

Grayson: "Well, we'd already broken Nathaniel's. Sometimes these things don't last too long."

Nicholas: [authoritatively] "I'll just tell him to give me a little money, and we'll buy a new one."

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As he sat down on the potty at a local restaurant recently:

Nathaniel: "WOW. Now THAT is what I call COLD!"

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I was upstairs feeding Jake this week when I heard Nathaniel and Nick arguing downstairs, then the sound of clashing light sabers, then a smack, followed by angry squeals and shrieks. Shortly thereafter, footsteps pounded on the stairs, and the tattling commenced:

Nicholas: "Mommy, Nathaniel hit me."

Me: "Nathaniel, did you hit him?"

Nathaniel: "Yes. But we were fighting and he hit me with his light saber first, and then I hit him with MY light saber, and it was JUST fighting. And THEN I hit him with my light saber by accident and then HE hit ME with his light saber in the face ON PURPOSE. So I was really mad about THAT. But also, HE WOULDN'T DO ANYTHING I WAS TELLING HIM TO DO."

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At the Olive Garden, Nathaniel had polished off five of his six pieces of pizza. Suddenly he stood up beside his chair.

Grayson: "What are you doing?"

Nathaniel: "I need to poop. I think that's the problem ... that my tummy is way too full. So if I go poop, I can come back and eat that last piece of pizza."

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Over Memorial Day weekend in the mountains with my parents, my mom offered Nicholas some milk:

Nicholas: "No, thanks. I only like apple juice, cappuccino and water."

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Tonight I sent Grayson and Jake home early from a birthday party so that Jake could eat on time. They took my minivan, since that has Jake's seat in it. Nick, Nathaniel and I stayed at the party, leaving about an hour later in Grayson's car, which I hadn't driven in months. As I opened the door to buckle the boys in:

Me: "WHAT is that smell?"

Nathaniel: "What smell?"

Me: "I don't know, but it STINKS. It smells like something died in here."

Nathaniel: "I think Nicholas and I are just USED to the way Daddy's car smells."

[Looking around, I spotted the culprit. Hard to see among all of the backseat-floorboard detritus, there was a piece of paper harboring mold. Mold. MOLD.]

Me: "OH. IT'S MOLD."

Nicholas: "What's mold?"

Me: "It's a microorganism that is definitely NOT supposed to grow in our CAR."

Nathaniel: "How do you grow mold?"

Me: "You leave something wet or something with food on it in your hot car for weeks on end."

Nathaniel: "Oh. Then there should be a WHOLE LOT of mold in Daddy's car."



To see past Slices of Life, click here.